Beyond life’s all consuming complexities there is a great foundation of simplicity. This stems from the inherent understanding that that secondary only to the necessity of oxygen, food and shelter; true and meaningful friendship is fundamental to our life long thri-vival. Beneath the surface of a tumultuous cultural environment where materialism and insincerity reign supreme, genuine friendship serves as a shining beacon of altruistic depth which personifies the fleeting moments of authenticity we all unconsciously aspire to attain.
Something I have recently learned is that wonderful
people do not just happen. The most special and illuminating people have known great
suffering, hardship, struggle and loss, and they have found their way out of
the depths of darkness without acquiring the harshness of adversity. These
people have an appreciation and understanding of life that fills them with
compassion, gentleness, and a consideration that can only be learned through great
humility. Fortunately this diffusion of greatness can change and challenge us
in many ways.
It is one of my greatest beliefs that we are destined to have
different friends for different reasons. On one side of the spectrum you have
your ‘day one’ onion peelers. These are the people with the uncanny ability to husk away the layers
to the middle earth of your true self. They demand the real truths hidden behind superficial chitter chatter. In
addition to this Kleenex crew, (who are also capable of a few laughs may I add!) there
are also our good time guys and gals. These are the people who lift
your heart and ease your worries and push you out your comfort zone. They enable us to draw great
strength from their energy and vitality because positive vibes are overwhelmingly
contagious. Paradoxically, there are the people who are as negatively influential
as they are extremely valuable. Not everything or everyone is supposed to
become an incremental pillar of support in your life. People will hurt, betray
and deceive you. Ultimately, wisdom is the understanding that there is
something to be learned from everyone you encounter: friend, family or
undercover foe.
We all have imperious emotional and intellectual needs
which need to be fulfilled beyond the solidarity of our own individual
strength. True friendship is the recognition that we need someone to help us
contextualise our daily highs and lows and the reciprocity of these moments is
what cements the most sacred of relationships. However, genuine companionship
cannot be sustained on the verbal and emotional diarrhoea of one person. In
reality, friendship is a humble virtue. It need only be the awkward therapy
which realises sometimes there are no right words, only heartfelt ones and it’s
the importance of these unsensored emotives which brings people together and
allows them to heal and flourish.
I’m the girl people usually laugh at before they enquire
‘How do you know them?’ because I’ll always be a champion of diverse and
dynamics friendship. This is because from an early age I was taught the
importance of generationally and socially diverse friendships. There is so much
to be learned from people who are different from ourselves. They encourage us to
broaden our knowledge and horizons beyond those established and accepted by the
status quo. In this respect, friendship transcends something that merely exists
to become something that deeply affects us. The most influential people in our
lives are not passive observers, they are in the trenches dodging bullets,
protecting and helping you battle on, without agenda and ulterior motive. A true friend
knows what keeps you up at night. Your worries and fears, the secrets and people you have
buried and the things you wish you could take back. Sadness, regrets and
uncharacteristic behaviour bear no long term consequence because there is nothing so
necessary for the sanity of man than to be a friend and receive friendship in
return.
As a generation consumed by the international pursuit of
happiness and prosperity, we know the ache of long absences between hello and
goodbye. Luckily, the benevolent nature of real friendship simply requires a
two line message to rekindle the warm glow of love and familiarity which
understands the busy and relentless nature of our own lives. I have found it both
a blessing and a torment to have friends all over the world, because part of
your happiness and history will always be elsewhere. Thankfully the
consequences of loving and knowing people in more than one place is
counteracted by the extensive array of modern mediums which enable us to keep
in touch at the swipe of a finger and the tap of a keyboard. This temporary
eradication of geographical boundaries eases the ache of distance. Virginia
Woolf, (the greatest victim of the Irish Leaving Certificate English curriculum)
was convinced we are unable to process and complete emotions about the present, as
they are only fulfilled with the passing of time. Retrospectively therefore, it’s
only when these people leave that we realise their true value and contribution to the unity of our health and happiness.
Collectively, we are the personification of every friendship
we have ever had whether these were positive or negative experiences. The way
we conduct ourselves personifies an aspiration towards or in antithesis against
reproducing these intimacies and relationships with others. Certain friendships
may only last a short time whilst others may span childhood and influential
decades. The effect of these positive acquaintances in serendipitous moments of
mirth contextualise every heavy sigh and wearisome low. Some friendships serve
a time and purpose whilst others get caught inside your heart and head stay
there forever. The ability to
remember the particulars of friendship may diminish over the years, but wholesome memories will
always centralise around the way you make people feel. Ultimately, some people
are meant to make cameo appearances in the interim chapters, while others are
destined to be heroic protagonists.
While I’m almost certain I’m an acquired taste, I’m
thankful for the people who embrace my quirks and strange sensibilities.
Without you I most certainly would not be who or where I am today. Thanks to an authentic circle and a few harsh
life experiences, I have learned that pleasure, possessions and power have
little consequence if we have no one to love or share our happiness with. Laughter
of course; the wonderful bi-product of friendship, will always be the greatest
remedy to counteract any of life’s ills because friendship is an amourous
resilience to unavoidable externalities. Anne frank, a girl who had little
reason to over exaggerate the goodness of humanity said : “despite everything I
still believe people are good at heart.” There is nothing that counteracts unfortunate
human faults and insufficiencies like the love a true friend.
From Donegal With Love.
