Block. Delete. Unfollow - The Untold Story of The 21st Century

When it comes to our mental health, often the pleasure of social media is so meagre, its delight in its own conventions so forced and false, that it has become almost the perfect opposite to anything social.

In real life we generally don’t interact with people we don't like, or with those who make us feel negative or remind us of something painful, yet we probably have these people in our online social network. 

Getting back to basics, the fundamental idea behind social media was that the people we follow and be-friend online are expected to contribute something positive to our lives. Whether it’s a person you know and care about, or someone you find interesting and inspiring, our connections are by origin, supposed to be a welcome and uplifting addition to our day.

But arguably, as social media has progressed, it has transcended into something beyond our emotional capabilities. In many respects, it has surpassed our logic and emotional sanity; resulting in an ingrained social anxiety, and an ensuing generation of lost and unfulfilled souls looking for answers and validation online.

Largely, it’s down to a disconnection between how we behave in reality, and how we conduct ourselves virtually. For example, when we began to bench mark a large social media following as the pinnacle of success and popularity; we neglected to think about how this network would affect us in return.

The truth of the matter is that we spend WAYYYYYY too much time on social media for our interactions to be anything less than fanfuckingtastic. But, because we’re so digitally in touch with the people from our past and present, we have completely lost sight of a simplistic pre-requisite to happiness; the beauty of letting go of the things which no longer serve us.

As a natural extension of self, of course we’re going to be affected by our social media network, and as far as our emotional intelligence goes, I wonder how much of our thought processes are willfully our own these days?

We’re the equivalent of a social media sponge, and although it’s been around for quite some time now, there has yet to be any kind of emotional blueprint to guide us through the woes and throws of social media. Essentially, we’re left in a no-man’s land to wing it where we see fit. So, when it comes to the navigation of the digital realm, it’s every man, woman and child for themselves…

Frederick Buechner wrote “My story is important, not because it is mine, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognise that in many ways it is yours too.”

….an analogy which inspired this blog.

An obvious assertion is that, throughout our lives, we’re connected to people through relationships of circumstance. This includes the people we are thrown together with at school, university, work or even a mutual friendship; but these in-organic relationships do not mean that this person warrants a place in your head or heart, for countless digital years to come.

However, because we are primitively 'people pleasers' at heart, we exercise a ‘shut up’ and put up’ philosophy when it comes to redundant people in our social media network. It’s a lesser vocalised fact that some people just become obsolete to your happiness and growth. We naturally distance ourselves from these people in real life, so why do we make it weird online?

If you’re as foolish as me, for a long time you’ve probably found yourself mindlessly scrolling past people you can no longer relate to, and accounts which no longer contribute anything positive to your life…

But I know what you’re thinking, or more accurately feeling. It’s kind of like social suicide to cull your followers and ‘friends’. People take that shit seriously, because let’s face it, we all take social media very seriously…although some people are just too cool to admit it!

That’s because deep down, an unfollow isn’t just an unfollow. It’s a statement, and it makes people question themselves. In five seconds flat, it can escalate from a culling exercise to a complete atomic bomb, and a ‘personal beef’ with someone you probably barely see or talk to.

So I can understand the reluctance. The hesitation. It’s much simpler not to take action. There’s no awkwardness or weirdness, or altercations or strange tangible tension to concern yourself with. You just go on co-existing on an app with someone you probably have little to no mutual interaction with. Just an accepted and unfruitful ‘social’ co-habitation.

Buddha, the wise and curvaceous genius that he was, described this phenomenon long before Instagram stories were even a twinkle in the sky. He said the root of all suffering is attachment, and arguably, social media is the exact materialisation of just that.

It benefits almost no one to maintain online ties with an estranged friend or ex, and the network that goes with them. It’s a little bit like self-harm to continue to live in the shadow of a friendship or relationship’s former glory.

…But that’s exactly what it is. Former. Departed. Prior. It no longer exists in the context it once did, and as much as it may make you squirm, question your sanity and feel a little silly, when it comes to the stickler of a situation surrounding blocking, deleting and unfollowing people who no longer serve our emotional and mental health…why do we struggle to let them go?

At the heart of the matter, people either inspire you or drain you on social media. They either motivate you, make you laugh, or make you feel bad. And of the latter, it’s not fair to yourself to be held hostage to your past. We all change. Life changes. Circumstances change, and there's no preventing that. The only thing we can control is ourselves and our behaviour, and whether we choose to prolong a story which should have ended a few chapters ago.

People are no longer your memories of them. They’re something entirely new and unfamiliar. And it’s not a case that these people are bad, or have necessarily done something terrible. Sometimes they’re just a reminder of something you want to move on from or outgrown.

In case nobody has told you, digital escapism is the polar opposite. It’s an intensification of our biggest challenges and insecurities, and if you’re not cropping your social network to only be exposed to the best, brightest, kindest and most inspiring people you know, then you’re absorbing a lot of unnecessary negativity.

To ‘Block, Delete and Unfollow’ is empowering. It’s about regaining control and it’s a sign of strength and quite frankly maturity.

They say a self that goes on changing is a self that goes on living, and above all else, life is about adaption. There are seasons and reasons for everything, and as you grow up, you find out who you are and what you want. And sometimes you realise that the people from your past should stay there…

You can't sit back and put everybody's life ahead of yours, and you are not responsible for anything else other than your own contentment. To look after your mental health in a world obsessed with social media is the quietest, simplest and most powerful thing you will ever do, but it’s increasingly hard in a world which is trying to de-sensitise you from using logic to navigate happiness.

Social media is all too much and not enough at the same time, and it’s a catastrophic mistake to look for happiness and validation from other people in your network. Most people probably have no idea who you are, or what you’ve been through, how you feel every day or the battles you're up against. They might woefully suck the happiness right out of you, or interact with an insincerity that feels fake and forced. But it no longer seems right to be a victim of something you can change, and when you figure out that ‘Online’ doesn’t exist anymore and that you carry it everywhere with you, maybe we’ll start to think deeper about our virtual connections.

Happiness is the way you think, and if you're surrounded by online negativity all the time, you carry a weight which isn’t yours to bear. Loving yourself and losing yourself, is more than the difference of one letter.

Pay attention to the way people make you feel.

Follow wisely, and unfollow unapologetically.

Time is non-refundable. Use it with intention.

From Donegal with love. Always.