TwentySomething

Almost...Probably one of the most unassuming words in the English dictionary, yet one that personifies all the ponderous complexities of  every ‘twentysomethings’ hopes, dreams, concerns and insecurities. 

Almost is an all consuming concept in my own life.  ‘Almost qualified’. ‘Almost fit enough’. ‘Almost there’. ‘Almost healthy’. ‘Almost happy’. For me, almost is the juxtaposition between 'isn’t life amazing' and 'isn’t life a constant uphill struggle', and for the past three years, ‘almost’ has dominated my twenties. 

It’s a secretive thing the concept of a quarter life crisis; a shameful dogma that might potentially result in our lifelong excommunication from 'cool' society. We continue to keep tight lipped about this generational phenomenon, perpetuating the illusion of mellowness and calm,  heavily cloaked behind a humorous facade or an instagram quote. Strangely, the stress of deadlock and indecision isn't an exclusive life experience reserved for those members of society consuming a litre bottle of buckfast a day. On the contrary, behind every closed door and every normative facebook account, most of us have all experienced (or are in the process of experiencing), a crippling sense of confusion, the bitter sting of disappointment and the overwhelming surge of bewilderment which precedes our important modern life choices. It's unsettling to not know what the future holds and, in a way, even more daunting to consider that what we are doing with our twentysomething selves might be determining it. Choice and freedom are wonderful things but they are also tied up in hard work, responsibility, potential failure, heartbreak, competition and rejection. Sometimes it feels easier not to know, not to choose, and not to act. Passivity is a twentysomething epidemic and the only thing scarier than an unfulfilled life is not knowing how to fulfil it.

 The influential decade which personifies your twentysomethings can feel overwhelmingly turbulent. There is an unspoken social succession to be or achieve certain things at certain stages. This twenties timeline encapsulates a sequence of conventional events, which politely unfold revealing a superficially fulfilled exterior that can often leave our internal selves plagued by a sense of lacking. Somewhere in a society of diverse choice, increased social and economic support and miscellaneous opportunity, we’ve accepted our wearisome fate between individual glimpses of self actualisation and fulfilment...because apparantly it's the done thing? Well I’m here to disagree and rally some much needed twenty something support, for the sake of my own mental health and yours. Arguably, we were never meant for social comformity. We are intended for individuality! That’s why we look different, enjoy different things and have different opinions. Consequently, the social pursuit of materialism and social media comparison have become infected sticky plastics across large gaping holes of unhappiness.  We're all exposed to huge distortioned images of each other and looking externally for contentment and reassurance is as beneficial as repeatedly banging your head against a brick wall.
 

Unashamedly I will be the first to admit that for the past 8,401 days I’ve been looking outward for inspiration, waiting on a luminous ray of light to guide my life choices. Until this choir of angels appear and let me in on the big inside joke, I’m beginning to realise how important it is to be an active and assertive in your own life. As narcissitic and philosophical as that sounds it’s the most effective method I’ve found in contextualising the bitter sweet circumstances of being a ‘twentysomething’. Setting small but achievable objectives, whether that’s running a half marathon or just ticking something off my bucket list, gives my life a little more focus in this era of crippling uncertainty. Admittedly, I’m a self confessed crazy ‘get your shit together girl’. But between the inescapable pressures, pulls and pushes of life I'm more determined than ever to turn into a diamond rather than a rag doll. 

Seemingly unless you’re Kim Kardashian every day is a little bit of a fight, a challenge, a battle of wills and as terribly negative as that sounds its true. We’re lead to believe realism is for the cynics in suits, when in reality it’s the philosophical building block of optimism. As a generation we’re excellent at preparing to live but absolutely abominable at the living part. We know how to sacrifice days, weeks and months of our lives for the delayed gratification of a new car, an exciting vacation, a designer watch or even a night out with friends. Realism however, is understanding that, the largest portions of our lives will be the nameless and uncalculated days between these events, when we’re all just living our normal lives. Day in, day out. It would be interesting therefore to consider that maybe the key to finding a sense of calm and contentment in your twenties, is not a question of achievement or possession, but an increased understanding of the importance of time. Are you spending time on WHAT and with WHO make you happy? Because time is all any of us have. 

Although I’m only 1/5 of the way into the life I hope to lead, I feel I’ve already had exposure to rich and influential life experience. Thankfully, I have known immense happiness, unconditional love, meaningful friendship and I have been fortunate enough to witness the passion and the inherent goodness of others. However, like most other twentysomethings I have also suffered the ache of sadness, the sting of rejection and the wrath of heartbreak. Nevertheless, it has been the loss of my own brother aged 21 that has taught me the most about life and what it means to live in your twenties. Liam was the materialisation of what it means to be proactively happy and ambitious, and no matter what this decade may throw at me, his life and loss will continue to ground me with a sense of focus and appreciation for what’s really important. All too often our overactive minds and runaway imaginations distort, delete, generalise and betray our own individual greatness and the endless possibilities we are capable of achieving. We are surrounded by serendipity, only somedays we're just required  to look a little harder than others.

  

Regardless of your employment status, educational credentials, current situation and location; the scariest part about being twentysomething is that you have more responsibility than you’ve ever had before. Responsibility to yourself, your future, responsibility to the ones you love. Shakespeare the talented and worldly man that he was said that there’s a fine line between a comedy and a tragedy. I think he was largely referring to the concept of love, but he could have quite easily have also intended to encapsulate the modern characteristics of a twentysomething’s career prospects. Your job is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied in life find a job that you find enjoyable and rewarding. The importance of being engaged and satisfied in our professional lives and the centrality of passion and interest in our personal development, will always be intrinsically connected. No child grows up wanting to work a 9 to 5 so they can ‘live’ at the weekend and as a young aspiring professional with a love for life, this will always be the kryptonite to a persuasive pay packet.

 It’s ironic that I sound like a girl with all the answers when truefully I’m just as lost as anyone. But when I’m sad or lonely or drowning in a sea of self pity and text books, I’ll look back at this post with a renewed sense of determination. If you too find yourself in a moment of twentysomething madness take a walk outside look up and the sky and take a deep breath. ‘The Secret’ in those shadowy moments of self doubt is to remember that if we learn to approach life with a blind optimism and a unrelenting enthusiasm to learn new things, meet new people and visit new places, we will never stray from a life of satisfaction and happiness. 

The person who you want to be is a much more powerful point of focus than concerning yourself with the stage that you’re currently at. The most challenging and significant relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Self love, isn’t vain or indulgent it’s a crucial survival technique for every tenacious ‘twentysomething’. If you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, don't panic but definitely don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, sometimes it takes a few knocks to find the perfect fit. When I’m not listening to drake, contemplating life on public transport I realise just how lucky I am. If You're Reading This, it's Not Too Late for you to realise this too, because sometimes we're so concerned with the forest we forget to enjoy the trees.

 I’m on the sneaky search for a life less ordinary and I’m doing so through a commitment to proactive positivity. Life doesn’t begin with the best version of yourself, it starts every morning with the reminder that we will always have the power to refine our hopes, dreams and futures as we go. Today and Always.

 From a fellow twentysomething with love.