Politically Correct

On a scale of one to Victoria’s Secret model, politics probably resides somewhere deep and dark on the sexiness scale….but although it’s not always cool, dazzling, enchanting or glamorous; challenging authority and sticking it to the status quo has long been a social heirloom, which has lovingly been passed down from one generation of pissed off people to another.

2016 has been a huge year in the political sector. In many countries (…mentioning no names), the tragic events of political injustice, have both flared tensions and widened social divisions; intensifying global struggles between the We The Collective People and the power structures of the world.

These days, international politics can only be likened to the experience of an emotional rollercoaster, but no matter how moved, horrified and enraged we are by the things we see and hear on the news, there’s an overwhelming disconnection between how we feel and an incentive to affect change via the medium of the almighty ballot box.

This political disengagement is becoming increasingly rife in an era that has seen most of us, myself included, take a back seat on the ole' political attentiveness front. In reality, politics is the tour de force behind everything….and I mean EVERYTHING, and it’s time to get politically savvy for the sake of ourselves, and the ones we love.

Isaac Asimov called the public withdrawal from the political sphere anti-intellectualism, but to be honest, I don't feel it’s a question of intelligence, it’s more a question of naivete.

For many of us in the western world, political disengagement stems from the false notion that democracy is a pre-requisite for outstanding service and representation. Largely, this is because we’ve been educated to believe in the illusion of romantic, democratic superiority, which we enjoyably flaunt over those suffering under dictatorship.

Will Durant, a man far more articulate than me, encapsulated my new found political conscious when he wrote: “Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance". The truth is that the more I learn, the more it makes me realise how much we under-utilise our power and influence as voters, and for those of us fortunate enough to be living in these so called democratic societies, (and definitely for those who don’t), politics is too powerful to be left solely to those who have an elected seat and a prefix to their name.

Essentially, most politicians are show men whose success is more down to their ability to charm, than their actual credentials as upstanding citizens who have the best interests of their constituencies at heart. Their man-powered hydro-erosion of bullshit has been shaping our political understanding for quite some time now, and we have been manipulated into becoming reactive voters rather than proactive members of society. 

To put it frankly, Elie Wiesel the renown Nobel Laureate,once said: “Neutrality only helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." 

....I know what you’re thinking. What has this got to do with me exactly? So I’ll counteract your question, with my own. What do you think the biggest impediment to political progress is? …ourselves!

As ‘Grown-ups’ we have an inherent fear of ‘not knowing’ or fully understanding the things that we think we’re supposed to. This unfounded shame leads to a fear of asking or talking to people who may be able to enlighten us.

We, this adult army of pretenders feed into the continuance of ignorance fueling the generations who follow, and we rely on the twisted and ulterior motives of the media and their own political agenda to help us make informed cultural decisions, with repercussions that span way beyond who we call MP (**COUGH** Brexit).

So on a very basic level, I want to carve an outlet of discussion by making political knowledge accessible, even on a small scale, and put it on your personal agenda and in some kind of context.  So let’s talk about the things that matter to us.

You know that paycheck or dole payment you get every month….well don't forget it's government regulated! aka TAX and SOCIAL WELFARE. And you know that time you heard about the horrendous accident and the ambulance which took too long to reach the scene, well yep, you have the power to change that too by demanding improvements to HEALTHCARE and RURAL REPRESENTATION. Have you thought about university? What school do you really want your kid to go to? In that case you’re probably going to have to think about the provision of QUALITY EDUCATION and GRANT ACCESS before you actually need it!

In fairness, political ignorance is not completely our own fault. The void in political communication is largely due to our respective national Education systems (I’ve experience two), who are failing us in a pragmatic understanding of real world issues. In my adult life, I’ve never had to recount the value of X, but I have had to drastically consider where I now stand as the holder of a British Passport, and for many people like myself, political activism seems particularly poignant, and let’s face it, necessary right now, to enable us to deal with the plethora of craziness that we call the modern political environment.

In order to demand access, change, reform and modifications to the rules and rulers we elect to serve our best interests, we need to increase our understanding of who and what our political parties do. Although it’s difficult to find reliable, centralised sources of information on political parties in terms of their political beliefs, views and representatives, that statement  kind of errrrrr’ illustrates the necessity of this discussion!

As such, I’ve chosen to briefly disscuss three countries with relevance to my own political digestion, whilst also being applicable to many others reading this. Those being Ireland, Great Britain and America.

IRELAND

In Ireland politics is something we have a historic overexposure to, but beyond previous religious and socio-economic associations, what are our actual political parties doing for us on a social, economic and cultural level?...Especially with relevance to a Celtic tiger with post-traumatic stress? Ironically, the below link is intended for people who are moving to Ireland and the best I found in the morning I afforded to looking for this kind of information. It’s not great but at least it centralises some key sources for further exploration and actually gives a decent historical background.

http://www.livinginireland.ie/en/culture_society/the_political_system_voting/  

GREAT BRITAIN

If nothing else, Brexit showed us that every one vote can make a difference both in the UK and beyond, which in my humble opinion reinforces Plato’s statement that: "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." Apart from compounding political ignorance, the ‘Brexit’ referendum divided a nation and served as a comprehensive over view of political disconnect, sending shock waves through Europe with repercussions that we’ve undoubtedly yet to experience. Take a look at this link which dishes up some centralised info…but take it with a pinch of salt because it’s also from a media source.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/26/uk.parliament.explainer/

AMERICA

Inescapably, the global super power that is America and the circus that is the 2016 elections is an unavoidable part of our cultural absorption. Although I’m not here to discuss my thoughts on either candidate, which would warrant an entirely separate blog post, I’ve found a great article which offers an explanation of the differentiations between America’s two main political parties: Democrats (Hilary Clinton’s party) and Republicans (Donald Trump’s party) so we can understand what’s going on, on a very fundamental level. Although it’s largely generalised, I think it gives a good preliminary investigation into a powerful and influential political system that undoubtedly has repercussions for the rest of the world.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-basic-differences-between-Democrats-and-Republicans-in-American-politics-Does-either-party-support-leftist-ideologies

Maybe you’re at the point of the piece where you're starting to wonder just why I chose to write a politically motivated post. My reasoning is that I simply aim to put political discussion on the table by illustrating how our lives are lived in an intertwining state of political being, no matter how comfortable or unaffected we may feel.

This is by no means a comprehensive or complete discussion, but I think it highlights the necessity of political action. Whether that means putting your name on the voting register or going directly to your local political representative with a question or concern is up to you.

You should never be afraid to think out loud, because that's how we learn and grow. Being too scared to ask questions and voice our concerns is how we got into this mess in the first place.

Did you realise though, that even if you don't bother to learn or exercise your political rights, you are in effect already voting for domineering political parties who have become so used to notoriety and popularity, that they barely need to serve the collective good.

Contrary to common belief, politicians are not stupid, and rest assured they are keenly aware that it is in their best interests to keep you bored, misinformed and cynical. So make no mistake, the current political environment isn’t currently serving your best interests, and perhaps it never will until you actively engage with it.

Political activism is very simply and eloquently explained in the following statement:

"When I was young, I wanted to change the world, but I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change my nation, I began to focus on my town. When I couldn't change my town, I tried to change my family and friends, but in my old age, I now realise that the only thing I can ever change is myself.

If I had understood that long ago, I could have made an impact on my family and friends. We could have made an impact on our town. Our town could have made an impact on our nation, and I could indeed have changed the world."

So if not YOU, then HOW?... and more importantly...WHO?

From Doha with love. Always.

Confessions Of A M.U.A

In lively consideration of a discussion of aesthetics and cosmetology, Jane Austen, an 18^th century English novelist not necessarily known for her interactive makeup tutorials, or trend setting vlogging credentials once said:

"Vanity and pride are two very different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates to our opinion of ourselves, vanity relates more to what we would have others think of us.”

Some years later, Madonna, - a lady arguably holding the Guinness World Record for ‘The Fewest Fucks Ever Given’, equally, and as eloquently stated that: “If your joy is derived from what society and other people think of you, you're going lead a very sad and disappointing life.”

These statements are relevant to the discussion of makeup for two main reasons. The first is that genetic factors may determine whether we have almond shaped eyes, beautiful freckles, or sensual lips, but the crux of the world of #Fleekness is that, if you feel good about yourself, you ALWAYS look good to others.

This is because confidence, (the most attractive female embellishment) illuminates outwardly from your face, blinding onlookers about anything else you may consider less favourable about yourself, and the idea of perfection dictated to you by popular culture.

The second invaluable assertion is that in a world which repeatedly rejoices in making you feel inadequate, liking yourself is a rebellious act to be celebrated and elevated to the empowerment of both men and women all over the world.

In life there are no shortage of ways for people to make you feel bad. This also applies to the non-conformity of your facial features or bodily composition, in obedience to the interim look of the season.

Every unfortunate soul with an unwarranted sense of self-importance, unfounded value on their own opinion and deplorable moral standing, possesses the ability to cast a shadow over even the brightest of highlighters.

These makeup shamers have become so fixated by the supremacy of the ‘Natural Woman’ that they’ve well….kind of  overlooked the whole feminist movement thing, and freedom of self-expression that was narcotically enhanced and hopefully established in the 70's.

So just to be clear, in case you missed ‘Feminisim 101’ or the ‘Good Persons Guide To The Galaxy’, let’s get back to basics, you know, for the #Basics.

The fundamental science behind it all argues that makeup has been used in disparate and diverse cultures all over the world for one main reason - it taps into our primal judgments and urges. Primarily it reflects positive interpretations of youth, health and the capability to reproduce strong and attractive offspring.

As wonderful and simplistic as this scientific evidence is in explaining the genesis of makeup, it does little to address the multi-trillion dollar industry that has flourished above and beyond considerations of wanting to be your Baby Daddy’s  #FlawlessBabyMomma.

It’s an inescapable fact that men have their own makeup opinions and preferences. Granted. But just because Jeff from Accounting prefers you without eyeliner and lashes and has uncomfortably informed you of this, doesn’t mean you need to conform to the limited scope of Jeff’s M.U.A repertoire.

As women, hopefully we’ve moved beyond the need to seek validation from a man, because in the grand scheme of things, I’m not sure Derek from ‘da club is capable of distinguishing between Ruby Woo and Lady Danger…And that’s a life skill I value in a person.

So what is it about cosmetology that has captivated us ladies to such a degree?

Makeup has meant many things to many people over the years. Historically, the fashion to aesthetically enhance ourselves dates back to a time even before the Egyptians were using soot, beetle’s blood and other natural products to create their distinctive and accentuated look.

You need to only glance at a social media platform to observe the skill, talent and popularity of makeup artists, near and far, to see the transformative and remarkable effect of makeup. Not only do these colours, textures and techniques have the ability to enhance a woman's self-esteem, but they also have the potential to make a woman go 'Zero To A Hunnit MUA Real Quick.' (Credit - Drake)

It doesn’t take a genius to work out that makeup can be worn in varying degrees of intensity. For some it’s a bit of tinted moisturiser and some mascara, for others it’s full on lash extensions, multi-tonal contouring and matte lips every day.

Irrespectively, makeup application, in whatever ferocity or vigor, strengthens the resolve that, a woman is only capable of being herself when she has the freedom to look and be whatever she wants. Black Lipstick and Blue Mascara or not.

But perhaps the most interesting question we can ask is: ‘How beautiful does a woman have to look before she believes it herself?’

If all of us are just play-acting in Mum’s makeup bag, then what is the real definition of beauty?

Something we as women should all contemplate, is how we feel about ourselves when we take our makeup off. Because…

“If your value lies in being merely decorative, some day you might find yourself believing that’s all you are. Time erodes the beauty of youth, but it will never diminish the wonderful working of your mind, your soul, your kindness, your humour and your courage.” (Little Women)

Beyond Makeup, if you don’t believe in your own individual beauty, then all the glamour and lip liner in the world can’t help you.

“Your Made Of So Much Beauty, But It Seems You Forgot, When You Decided You Were Defined, By All The Things Your Not”.

To all the little, and not so little girls looking towards the beauty counter for validation with a lust and longing for the fictitious facial features of Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kylie, and Kendall, always remember:

‘Makeup Does Not Maketh The Woman, The Woman Maketh The Makeup’

From Qatar, With Love. Always.

The Unconventional Notebook

Somewhere between insanity and euphoria lies that sweet little spot where true love lives. If you’ve never lost your mind, then clearly, you have never followed your heart. Breakups, makeups, missed opportunities and misunderstandings…Human love is a fragile thing, but no matter what the outcome, at one time or another, it’s also the greatest, most potent elixir capable of intoxicating even the sharpest, smartest and savviest of souls.

Few of us can claim to possess such uncomplicated good fortune, like the type disclosed to us in the fairy tales of our childhood. But like most little girls and boys I know, I grew up believing in enchanted love stories. From an early age we were misguided and confused by mischevious metaphorics, that made us believe in eternal happy endings. But what happens when the happily ever afters aren’t so happy? And sinful sirens and lotharios aren’t so easy to spot? Quite often we’re forced to face the irony that the closest thing our prince charming has ever come to a white horse, is the Ralph Lauren emblem on his favourite polo shirt. And as for Rapunzel…well she may well have hair of gold, but she doesn't a heart of one, and the only thing that girl is combing through is tinder.

As we shout across the planetary gender divide, that best-selling authors have compared to Venus and Mars, we’ve overcomplicated a remarkably straightforward process. This being that, the crux of love is that actions speak louder than words, so simple yet so overlooked in our haste to make meaning. Sometimes a person may desire you vaguely without the conviction of love. They may be lustful but not loving, an observation complexified by the grey area of free sexual expression and promiscuity. In this war zone we call the modern dating scene; from flirtatious likes on multiple social mediums to one night stands, Cupid has a lot to contend with. We have no operational framework to work from. No sonnets, or siliques or even generational advice. It’s a new age love drug, with an increasing number of cardiovascular side affects.

So what happens when we find the ‘One’, the ‘Raison d'Être’ ? Well that’s when things start to get a whole lot worse…but a whole lot more interesting.

To start such a discussion, one has to acknowledge that on the subject of love there’s more to be said than can be ever be conveyed. The greatest poets, writers and lyricists of all time haven’t lost ears, spiralled into alcoholism, fought, cried and bled for something that can be neatly tied up in a bow. That’s the thing about love, its not always pretty but it’s always inherently beautiful, and it inspires beauty in us all. Everyone is capable of an epic love story that could win even Leonardo Di Caprio an Oscar, but just because we possess the ability, doesn’t mean we can control it.

As human we’re imperfect authors attempting to compose our greatest life’s work. As we grow and learn we’re reckless and defiant, and sometimes we hurt the people we love the most through rebellious acts of youth and stupidity. John Green; the man behind the iconically teary and tragic ‘Fault in Our Stars’ wrote: “I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” Relationships wouldn’t be relation-ships if they sank at the first sign of trouble. Every day, we have other people’s thoughts and feelings to take into consideration, and sometimes this is a trial and error process with no short cuts, cheat sheets, or emotional maps. I’ve had my own share of titanic disasters, but in reality who hasn’t? Sometimes love is more compelling than concern for yourself, and time and time again, we board the boat without a life jacket knowing that at any given time, we’re vulnerable to the Bermuda triangle of emotional turmoil.

At a time in my life where I literally felt my own heart sink, my mother gave me some great advice. She told me that when I was born, I was not given life to be defined by another. As a result of this simple and profound assertion, I took a proactive approach to myself and realised that the days you feel the loneliest, are the days you learn the most about yourself. If you move from relationship to relationship, from one emotional crutch to another, you deprive yourself of these invaluable moments, and you are missing out on the essence of your own existence.

If I was to ask you about all the people you love and have ever loved, how long would it take for you to name yourself? Because that’s the fundamental thing about relationships, you have to love yourself before you can love another. The trick is finding someone who compliments you instead of completes you, because you should be passionately and enthusiastically whole on your own. If you pursue yourself and your own interests, passions, dreams and abilities, the people who you are meant to love will meet you where you are, on the individual path you're supposed to follow. Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re taking your time to decide how and who you want in your life. We’re living in a new era and you get to define and demand when, and who you are loved by.

On the flipside of the love spectrum in the midst of the wrath of sadness that is both sickly and suffocating, courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite the obstacle of heartache. It means self-investment is the greatest currency you can save, and even if you’ve spent your last 10 cent coin on unrequited love, then financial bankruptcy is always more favourable to a wealth of should have, would have, could haves. It’s the greatest measure of strength to pick yourself up after heartbreak and carry on and face those who have caused you sadness. You don’t get the option of choosing how and if people love you in return, you merely have the option to accept, reject or move on from their insufficient offer. Characterise people by their actions. Always. Words are beautiful but they are often the gloss that smooth the deep and dark crevices. You shouldn’t need to tell people how to love you, they should just do it. People say I love you all the time without words and grand gestures.

As Beau Taplin concurred, while everyone you meet may have a part to play in your story, some will take a chapter, others a paragraph and some will be nothing more than a scribble note in a margin. Someday, someone will become so integral to your life that you’ll put their name in the title. You have to make your own choices about who stays and who goes, and you have to accept the luggage they bring or return with. In the words of my fictional ‘spirit animal’ Carrie Bradshaw, the maestro of the ‘Sex and The City’ quartet: “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-sleep kind of love”. I want the good, the bad, and the in-between. That’s the reality of any relationship, because love hurts too much to be anything else. 

As any person used as a human Kleenex will tell you, if you’re going to love someone, love them completely. Half- hearted love is a fate worse than death, because slowly you’re killing someone who only wants to share their life and love with you. And even though there is a good way to say farewell; as the old saying goes – it’s better to leave someone for the right reasons than stay with them for the wrong. Admittedly love isn't always fun, but if nothing may save us from death, at least love makes us feel alive.

And as for me, I've had a prolific love that will stay with me forever. In the words of my literary hero F. Scott Fitzgerald: "There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” The best relationships are divine friendships, and I'm thankful for years of unparalleled laughter and unforgettable moments. Irrespective of past, present and future, that sentiment will stay with me forever.

As Shakespeare once wrote: Time is very slow for those who wait, very fast for those who are scared, very long for those who lament, very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love…Time is eternal.

From Doha With Love. Always.

A Letter to I Love You

In all the tragedies I had ever read, and the respective and profound verses of both the classics and the contemporaries; figurative sadness had prepared me so insufficiently for your loss, it took almost two years to realise that you had gone.  

Writing they say, is a defiant stance against a sad consuming silence, and recently more than ever, as tragedy has struck the young lives of many, I have found it apt to tell my story, so that others may know, that even though their hearts may break, split in half, and enduringly reside somewhere deep and dark, everything - even the longevity of grief is nothing in contrast to the infinity of love…because irrespective of life and death, love outlives us all.

In the 10 short years since you left, I have found that memories are like bullets, both comforting and cathartic, pensive of that sharp little pain, that never truly dulls, but thuds with every step.

Looking back I can’t help but dwell on the darkness which took the glow from our family for a very long time. Laughter was infrequent and most days it didn’t exist at all. The world had acquired a hardness and it was no longer a place we wanted to live without you. A daily sadness gathered momentum, turning into months and merging into years.   

And I wanted to punch all those people who brought sandwiches and cakes and told me that time heals everything, because what did they know about you. They desperately wanted me to believe that everything would be okay, but did they not understand that it wouldn’t, and it never fully would be again?

Strength, it became clear, was one of the few things that remained when our family had nothing left to give. For Dad that meant getting out of bed became his greatest challenge, when the world had given him every reason not to. And if it hadn't of been for Mum, the human super glue that had held us all together, we would have surely sank under the weight of our own constrictive sadness.

Your death struck a profound chord, and it echoed in my ears so loudly, that I could no longer hear the happy sound of my own future calling.  Loss had changed a cheerful girl and I could not make sense of what was incomprehensible, so inexplicable. You were far too young to die, 21, number 50, and the unlucky two out of an unfortunate three.

Remember when you hugged me and said you would be safe? That was a promise you could not keep, and the syllables of goodbyes were ones we were never able to completely form. So many times I have lamented cross words which were briefly spoken, or a sorry which took a little too long to take shape. I would take them all back if I could, and replace them with I love you’s.

Memories of our childhood visit me often. They are so clear and vivid it’s like we’re all young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant, and funny little moments seem all the more hilarious now they can never be shared or repeated. I would gladly take several karate chops to the head, which seemed liked a regular occurrence during your Bruce lee phase, to have you here with me. I laugh when I remember how you panicked and shouted ‘DON’T TELL MUM’ as you sat me on your knee, and I secretly sat smiling under my pack of peas as you hugged me close, because you weren't just my big brother you were my favourite person ever. I’ll never forget the family wedding when you thought sneaking a dozen whiskeys at 16 was a good idea, and we were given the strictest instructions not to laugh during the two hour car journey home….which proved to be impossible.

And now you're gone, your absence is never forgotten on birthdays, Christmas and every day in between. I cannot comprehend all the happy times you will not be here to see, and the joyous moments we must experience without you, but you are always in our hearts and minds and there you will live forever.

I’m very different now because of you, because of your loss but more importantly because of your legacy. I’ve never wanted to make anyone prouder than what I want to make you. And even though your life was short, it was the sweetest it could be. There was happiness and laughter and memories that will never fade. And in your loss I found a fortitude that I did not know I had, and when the lights go off and I’m all alone, when the thoughts flood, and the tears stream, I stare at the ceiling in my room and think of ways to make you proud, repeat my thank yous and continue to live the best life I can without you.

The longing to act meaningfully has flourished from your loss. I would take back every single trivial request I’ve ever made, and replace it with a piece of some grand puzzle of understanding, which would slowly reveal what it truly means to live and love…something I have learned from the shadowy lessons of grief.

I find a little therapy in the mention of your name, from those people who like me, have not forgotten you or how much you mean. I send a silent heartfelt thank-you to those who continue to ask me about you, or better still, tell me a story about a part of your adventure I did not know had taken place.

 

There is no other who could walk the earth in the light of my admiration for you, and if I could see you now, I'd tell you that I love you, and in those three words nothing will ever change. I’ll always talk about you like you put the stars in the sky, and of all the people who have ever made me laugh, your silly and contagious ways will always be my favourite.

There is no worldly substitute for loss, and just when I’m flattened and floored by other people’s trivialities, I’ll bite my tongue and realise that life and love is relative, and people can only meet you on their level of understanding and experience. 

You have taught me that many things can go wrong, and some days only a few go right, but each day is a little miracle. And even though the question of why we have to loose those who we love the most, will always strike me as the most agonising torture we could possibly endure, we will endure it in love and memory of you.

You have taught me that we must survive the difficult and the dreadful, to understand every shade of love...and all the colours in between - including those that stem from our darkest days.

Because you are not the sum of tears you have left behind. You are the laughter and happiness which were so uniquely you, and the immeasurable joy that you continue to bring us all.

---------------------------

From Me to You

And in between my pen and person the starkest truth exists, that in any given moment we have two choices. To move forward in life and love or backward in sorrow and grief. If like me, your waiting for your heart to fall back into the slot where it used to be, understand that sadly it might never.

Happiness however, will rise and fall with the wind, and just when you think you want to give up, as I have many times before, understand that regardless of the way you feel, you have to decide what to do with the time you have left without the ones you love.

And if you can tolerate the insurmountable frustration and anguish, accept the absence of a remedy for heartbreak, and bare the reality of incomplete healing, then you can face the future one day at a time. Grief it seems, can provide a strange focus for us all, and through an infinite strength which you  probably didn't even know existed, we can be inspired by loss in a way we never thought possible.

And if my story, motivated by the greatest protagonist of my life, can soothe those who like myself, had to say goodbye far too soon, then know that Liam continues to inspire me to be the best person that I can be.

Because no matter where in the world I am, I’m writing to him with love. Always.

Gymtimidation

Females. We’re awfully hard on ourselves. Tall, small, skinny, curvy, dark, pale, natural or enhanced – we generally don’t like what we have, regardless of how good we have it. In addition to these basic physical configurations, lie the problems associated with accentuation and more specifically....maintenance.

Working out and staying in shape can be very difficult. It’s often why we rely on ‘experts’ to keep us informed and motivated. As the glorification of the ‘ideal’ feminine form trickles into our daily peripheral vision, via a television, magazine or Instagram post; the expectations and pressures to conform to this unrealistic default image intensify, to the exasperation and disheartenment of womankind.

Summer it seems, is the personification of all these insecurities, where, the mere thought of a bikini or revealing holiday outfit sends women in droves to the nearest exercise establishment or nutri bullet retailer. What seems obvious to me is that fundamentally, we’re still approaching our health and fitness goals in a totally absurd and unrealistic manner.

Namely, an all or nothing approach with the expectation of a total body transformation.

Something I’ve learnt on my own personal fitness journey, is that health isn’t happiness unless it’s sustainable. 

That bikini diet where you liquidise the contents of your local supermarket vegetable aisle, or the couple of hundred euro you spend on an intense fitness course and high commitment training schedule, just isn’t feasible in the long term. As brilliant as these result orientated summer blasts can be, they often stump in a September landslide of motivation and development. As the darker nights roll in and the constant fear of sunny days and skimpy beach wear calms, many of us revert back to inactivity , until the bikini body overhaul starts again next year. This can be detrimental to our holistic health and happiness, culminating in a vicious annual cycle of negative and uninspired living habits.

I think Science has proven pretty conclusively that working out is good for you, for reasons above and beyond looking good in a bodycon dress. However our motivation to stay in shape and achieve the idea of the ‘perfect’ body is a mental health epidemic. I repeat MENTAL HEALTH EPIDEMIC. Realistically a ‘summer body’ is a perfect example of a good decision made for the wrong reasons. 

Right now the focus on muscularity is inescapable. This works to varying degrees of advantage in the same way its image predecessors also rewarded a certain type of woman. It's perfectly normal to get motivated by the incredible physiques of the health and fitness industry, but understand that "perfection" doesn't exist for them any more than it does for us, and body image trends will continue to change along with autumn, winter and summer collections. 

Health and fitness is an incredible journey that is different for everyone.

 We were each given a body shape that is wonderfully unique to us, and the only productive thing we can do with it, is enhance what we were naturally given. Undeniably, I’m thankful to my mother for providing the optical illusion that comes with having DD’s, namely the fact that they make everything else look smaller. Even so, it took me a very long time to love my body and sadly I look back on the years I spent reprimanding myself for not looking like the girl in the magazine. In a strange way I celebrate the relief that comes with the realisation that leather trousers will never look good on me, because of my inproportional thigh to ass ratio, and I have finally accepted that I’m never going to fit into my sisters clothes, because I am the way I am, and that’s perfectly ok.

Ironically, to most people I’m sure I appear on the polar end of the confidence spectrum. I’m one of those sickly creatures who document their physical progression on social media. In contrast, to the screen shots and questions of arrogance I’m certain they raise among some people, I don’t do it to show off or muster circus attention. I post select photos of my progression to show women; specifically young girls, that Jane Doe can be fit, healthy and happy. I own every bit of progress I make. It’s mine and no one elses. I don’t have a personal trainer and I rarely attend fitness classes anymore. I’ve learnt that exercise isn’t complicated and you can achieve the results you want YOURSELF. Health just requires curiosity, persistence, knowledge, enjoyment and a little and often approach; an operational life template for anything truly worth having.

GYMTIMIDATION, the term given to the irrational fear of looking silly or out of shape is infectious, plaguing the female population since the campaign for women’s suffrage ended. It’s completely natural to feel like you’re lacking self-confidence, because you have been told repeatedly by society and the media, that you need to be better somehow. Skinnier, faster, fitter, stronger, flexier. Instead of letting these feelings overwhelm and deter you, channel them and use them as motivation to get up and go and work hard in the pursuit of being the best YOU can be. 

When you’re working out, if you notice people are looking at you, it’s because 9 times out of 10 you’re doing something right. Your activity intrigues and motivates them in a positive way. A new exercise maybe. A variation they’ve never seen before. Everyone started out not knowing what the hell they were doing, no one came out the womb with extensive form, technique, balance or grace. These are things we must practice to perfect. Exercise is a judgement free environment and you build your own barriers to progress with irrationality.

When you stop thinking of yourself as a sexual object and start taking yourself seriously, you loose your gym inhibitions. I don’t walk into a gym and apologise for my presence there. I’m not afraid to make a bee line for the weights, and I’m not intimidated by a dominant male occupation of the weights room. I’m not at the gym to look for a boyfriend and I don’t really care about the level of my perspiration or the unattractive faces I pull on my last set. I don’t feel out of place nestled between anyone throwing out more sets than a curtain factory, because I’m here to do exactly what everyone else here is already doing. I’m here to improve and feel good about myself. Confidence is everything, because from a deep breath and a point of focus, it’s only a small step to success. Don’t apologise for your personal growth, approach exercise with an relentless purpose, to get fit and have fun!

Thankfully, health and fitness is progression orientated, and you have the power to shape it from one day to the next. Once you accept this, embrace it and use it to your psychological advantage, the longevity of the lifelong foxtrot between fitness and a love of food, becomes a little more enjoyable. This two step in the right direction, shifts your focus from trying to look good in the short term, to clearing the dancefloor for long term health optimisation.

An overwhelming misconception about sculpted gods is that they stay in extreme shape all year round. I wouldn't consider it healthy or possible—physically or mentally—for anyone to stay in extreme condition all the time. We are mere mortal with jobs, family commitments and lets face it…social lives! and most of us are just not willing to pay the price to maintain 4-6 percent body fat all year round. Nor should you! 

Defining yourself against other women is first and foremost ridiculous, but to define yourself by the standards of genetic and cosmetically enhanced freak le chics, whose full time occupation it is to work out and promote expensive supplements is downright self harm.

You are not Jen Selter in the same way Jen Selter is not you. She doesn’t have to deal with a demanding job or social commitments, she doesn’t have to feed, nurture and entertain children and she doesn’t have to meet a crazy deadline due for 8am. Stop tirading yourself for having a life, enjoying food or socialising with a glass of wine or three. Forgive yourself for not being a Victoria secrets model who undergoes 12 hours of muscular dehydration before a lingerie show, to look the way she does as she struts past Bruno Mars. As lovely as abs are you must always remember to play, because taking yourself too seriously is a recipe for disaster.

Memories are not made in the bottom of Tupperware dishes nor are they found during solo gym sessions. They're made with people, by people, who love your imperfections and idiosyncrasies.

The deceitful thing about social media images is that they never change, whereas the bodies being photographed do. If you're going to emulate your idols, you have to first understand that unrecognisable changes majoritively occur via a talented little technician with a mouse. Envying photo shopped images of women is about as conducive to progress as walking backwards blind folded, with your legs tied hoping to gain ground. 

Develop realistic goals you can be proud of. Health and fitness is about looking in the mirror and seeing something that wasn’t there yesterday. Its about running that little bit further and lifting that little bit heavier...It’s about becoming YOUR best self.

Being a fitness junkie and die hard food fanatic is the health equivalent of multiple personality syndrome. Some days I’m all macros and protein, while others I’m three desserts in, contemplating a forth. Health and fitness complements your life, it shouldn’t complete it. The real breakthrough comes when you realise there is no end game. If you stop the results will suffer. Little and often is the secret to mental and physical health.

Balance my dear lady friends, is the thing that tentatively keeps us on the path of sanity and physical fabulousness. Sometimes that means holding a dumb bell in one hand and a chocolate brownie in the other.

From Doha, With Love.

Like, Share, Social Love.

It’s a well established fact, that the paradox of our generational contribution is definitively two fold. The relentless progression of technology has simultaneously intensified and contributed to the ever-increasing richness and complexity of our cultural environment. As we apprehensively venture from one wifi connection to the next, our dependency on social media has become an all consuming virtual vexation, which has sank its teeth into our physical lives. For some of us, it seems like only yesterday sharing a bebo love was the pinnacle of our networking repetoire, yet the giddy excitement and distraction generated by an increasing number of gorgeous gadgets and mesmerizing social media, has expanded with each passing year.

On a fundamental level, social media feels great. The shares. The likes. The comments. They’re fun and they can make us feel fabulous and in sync with the world. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have ingrained themselves in society so integrally, that they have began to shape our personal and professional relationships. As we continue to feed our social media addiction; seeking and demanding more from our online interactions, our social media accounts have truly become an extension of ourselves. Nevertheless, our reliance on these tools clearly have lasting repercussions for our personal relations and society at large.

Individually we personify a combination of genetic, inherited, and learned behaviour. These qualities can be extremely fallible and subject to the pulls and pushes of external influence especially where youth and impressionable characters are concerned. Fundamentally, the popularity of social media epitomises a butterfly catching crusade, which aspires to  create, maintain and promote social acceptance amongst peers and key networking individuals. Social media is addictive precisely because it gives us something which the real world often lacks (or offers in short supply)!, Namely it instills immediacy, connectedness, and a unique sense of belonging, which we all crave on multiple levels of cognition.

Sadly, the alarming progression of social media has gathered momentum faster than humanity has been able to accrue wisdom. The peculiar predicament of the present-day surely came to pass as a consequence of an extremely questionable morality, which has existed since the beginning of time. The day we went to dig out a smart phone before we thought to outstretch a hand, was the day we sealed the fate of technology as the demonised poster child who initiated and ignited society’s ills. However, to loosely butcher an observation of Oscar Wilde: ‘Give a man a mask and he will show you his true self’. A startling surveillance made long before social media was even a twinkle in the cyber sky. Trolling, spamming and down right despicable behaviour is never more than a newsfeed away. Yik yak, for example; (the anonymous social media app) recently gained notoriety as an online bullying forum, verifying Wilde’s assertion regarding the futile faculty of man. The proposition of this blog therefore lies not in the castigation of social media but in the ousting of the most villainous of victims. Ourselves. 
 

Social media is not a separate entity from me and you. Online interactions personify the relationship that we create and maintain with the world and each other...online and off. Realistically you and I are the problem because we serve as the manifestations and reflections of the goodness and cruelty of man. Consequently, the catalyst will always react according to the components which creators use to distill their communicative concoction. Choices, even small ones, have the potential to change people’s lives. Every time you like/share/post something online; you make a decision. You can either choose to make a positive contribution to local, national and international happiness or you can create something that takes away from it. 

Social media itself was not designed to deal with passive aggression and discontent, nor was it intended to be exploited by abdominal advertisers and cyber conspirators, who have profited from an opportunity to cash in on our trivial and tumultuous fortitude. Perhaps as Aldous Huxley lamented, technology has merely facilitated a more efficient means of going backwards. Nevertheless, it’s here to stay and it’s procreation is only going to continue to strengthen and solidify our respective cultures. 

Information is not knowledge, and knowledge almost certainly is not wisdom. In the rather deplorable history of man, we have relentlessly refined an ability to take something rather clever and magnificient and find a way to abuse it repeatedly and in varying degrees. This includes all the wonderful discoveries and inventions which have preceded the proliferation of social media. The only thing which differentiates this phenomenon from all our other terrible mistakes, is that it has come to characterise an unavoidable component of life, in both personal and professional realms. Although I largely advocate social media, I am truly thankful to say I experience childhood and several awkward teenage years before social media was ever able to heighten insecurity or influence an extremely impressionable phase. In the face of a rapidly-changing technologically enhanced culture, we need to learn how to deal with the stress and burdens that social media can generate. Arguably we need to develop proactive strategies which navigate and circumvent the shadowy side of the social media circus in an effort to protect ourselves and others.

Alternatively, the potential surrounding social media to act as a positive social tool is infinite. You could fill a black hole with all the wonderful things you can find on-line. Beyond the one dimentional promotion of self interests, commerce and general cynical ignorance, social media can help us grow by purposefully contributing to our personal connections and our academic and emotional learning. Beyond the doom and gloom, tutts and the but's of heated debate; the collective big mouth of social media has arguably put the collective ‘big man’ in his place. Many small businesses have prospered from social media engagement which serves as the materialisation of an effective and inexpensive way to grow their business. Online word of mouth (or eWOW) is affecting purchasing power to the extent that social media has vapourised traditional business and communication models. This has resulted in the very visible rise of the blogger phenomenon amongst other things in the search of an interactive authenticity.

What has become increasingly evident is the trial by error manner in which we continue to seek and find a footing in the social media sphere. Our individual self and social acceptance can only be steadied when we present our true, imperfect selves to the world. Spend your day online and off, being unapologetically you. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and they’re also entitled to express them online. However, never listen to the malicious comments of those who, never taking any risks themselves, choose to cast a shadow over your differences and decisions. You are not responsible for anyone else’s actions or karma, but you are responsible for your own happiness and success. Always remember to fearlessly approach life with a grace and integrity that elevates you beyond your online accounts and activities. Real life is what happens offline. Be passionately present and remember the happiest person in the room is not on their phone.

En route to Amsterdam With Love.