TwentySomething

Almost...Probably one of the most unassuming words in the English dictionary, yet one that personifies all the ponderous complexities of  every ‘twentysomethings’ hopes, dreams, concerns and insecurities. 

Almost is an all consuming concept in my own life.  ‘Almost qualified’. ‘Almost fit enough’. ‘Almost there’. ‘Almost healthy’. ‘Almost happy’. For me, almost is the juxtaposition between 'isn’t life amazing' and 'isn’t life a constant uphill struggle', and for the past three years, ‘almost’ has dominated my twenties. 

It’s a secretive thing the concept of a quarter life crisis; a shameful dogma that might potentially result in our lifelong excommunication from 'cool' society. We continue to keep tight lipped about this generational phenomenon, perpetuating the illusion of mellowness and calm,  heavily cloaked behind a humorous facade or an instagram quote. Strangely, the stress of deadlock and indecision isn't an exclusive life experience reserved for those members of society consuming a litre bottle of buckfast a day. On the contrary, behind every closed door and every normative facebook account, most of us have all experienced (or are in the process of experiencing), a crippling sense of confusion, the bitter sting of disappointment and the overwhelming surge of bewilderment which precedes our important modern life choices. It's unsettling to not know what the future holds and, in a way, even more daunting to consider that what we are doing with our twentysomething selves might be determining it. Choice and freedom are wonderful things but they are also tied up in hard work, responsibility, potential failure, heartbreak, competition and rejection. Sometimes it feels easier not to know, not to choose, and not to act. Passivity is a twentysomething epidemic and the only thing scarier than an unfulfilled life is not knowing how to fulfil it.

 The influential decade which personifies your twentysomethings can feel overwhelmingly turbulent. There is an unspoken social succession to be or achieve certain things at certain stages. This twenties timeline encapsulates a sequence of conventional events, which politely unfold revealing a superficially fulfilled exterior that can often leave our internal selves plagued by a sense of lacking. Somewhere in a society of diverse choice, increased social and economic support and miscellaneous opportunity, we’ve accepted our wearisome fate between individual glimpses of self actualisation and fulfilment...because apparantly it's the done thing? Well I’m here to disagree and rally some much needed twenty something support, for the sake of my own mental health and yours. Arguably, we were never meant for social comformity. We are intended for individuality! That’s why we look different, enjoy different things and have different opinions. Consequently, the social pursuit of materialism and social media comparison have become infected sticky plastics across large gaping holes of unhappiness.  We're all exposed to huge distortioned images of each other and looking externally for contentment and reassurance is as beneficial as repeatedly banging your head against a brick wall.
 

Unashamedly I will be the first to admit that for the past 8,401 days I’ve been looking outward for inspiration, waiting on a luminous ray of light to guide my life choices. Until this choir of angels appear and let me in on the big inside joke, I’m beginning to realise how important it is to be an active and assertive in your own life. As narcissitic and philosophical as that sounds it’s the most effective method I’ve found in contextualising the bitter sweet circumstances of being a ‘twentysomething’. Setting small but achievable objectives, whether that’s running a half marathon or just ticking something off my bucket list, gives my life a little more focus in this era of crippling uncertainty. Admittedly, I’m a self confessed crazy ‘get your shit together girl’. But between the inescapable pressures, pulls and pushes of life I'm more determined than ever to turn into a diamond rather than a rag doll. 

Seemingly unless you’re Kim Kardashian every day is a little bit of a fight, a challenge, a battle of wills and as terribly negative as that sounds its true. We’re lead to believe realism is for the cynics in suits, when in reality it’s the philosophical building block of optimism. As a generation we’re excellent at preparing to live but absolutely abominable at the living part. We know how to sacrifice days, weeks and months of our lives for the delayed gratification of a new car, an exciting vacation, a designer watch or even a night out with friends. Realism however, is understanding that, the largest portions of our lives will be the nameless and uncalculated days between these events, when we’re all just living our normal lives. Day in, day out. It would be interesting therefore to consider that maybe the key to finding a sense of calm and contentment in your twenties, is not a question of achievement or possession, but an increased understanding of the importance of time. Are you spending time on WHAT and with WHO make you happy? Because time is all any of us have. 

Although I’m only 1/5 of the way into the life I hope to lead, I feel I’ve already had exposure to rich and influential life experience. Thankfully, I have known immense happiness, unconditional love, meaningful friendship and I have been fortunate enough to witness the passion and the inherent goodness of others. However, like most other twentysomethings I have also suffered the ache of sadness, the sting of rejection and the wrath of heartbreak. Nevertheless, it has been the loss of my own brother aged 21 that has taught me the most about life and what it means to live in your twenties. Liam was the materialisation of what it means to be proactively happy and ambitious, and no matter what this decade may throw at me, his life and loss will continue to ground me with a sense of focus and appreciation for what’s really important. All too often our overactive minds and runaway imaginations distort, delete, generalise and betray our own individual greatness and the endless possibilities we are capable of achieving. We are surrounded by serendipity, only somedays we're just required  to look a little harder than others.

  

Regardless of your employment status, educational credentials, current situation and location; the scariest part about being twentysomething is that you have more responsibility than you’ve ever had before. Responsibility to yourself, your future, responsibility to the ones you love. Shakespeare the talented and worldly man that he was said that there’s a fine line between a comedy and a tragedy. I think he was largely referring to the concept of love, but he could have quite easily have also intended to encapsulate the modern characteristics of a twentysomething’s career prospects. Your job is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied in life find a job that you find enjoyable and rewarding. The importance of being engaged and satisfied in our professional lives and the centrality of passion and interest in our personal development, will always be intrinsically connected. No child grows up wanting to work a 9 to 5 so they can ‘live’ at the weekend and as a young aspiring professional with a love for life, this will always be the kryptonite to a persuasive pay packet.

 It’s ironic that I sound like a girl with all the answers when truefully I’m just as lost as anyone. But when I’m sad or lonely or drowning in a sea of self pity and text books, I’ll look back at this post with a renewed sense of determination. If you too find yourself in a moment of twentysomething madness take a walk outside look up and the sky and take a deep breath. ‘The Secret’ in those shadowy moments of self doubt is to remember that if we learn to approach life with a blind optimism and a unrelenting enthusiasm to learn new things, meet new people and visit new places, we will never stray from a life of satisfaction and happiness. 

The person who you want to be is a much more powerful point of focus than concerning yourself with the stage that you’re currently at. The most challenging and significant relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Self love, isn’t vain or indulgent it’s a crucial survival technique for every tenacious ‘twentysomething’. If you find yourself in a place you don’t want to be, don't panic but definitely don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, sometimes it takes a few knocks to find the perfect fit. When I’m not listening to drake, contemplating life on public transport I realise just how lucky I am. If You're Reading This, it's Not Too Late for you to realise this too, because sometimes we're so concerned with the forest we forget to enjoy the trees.

 I’m on the sneaky search for a life less ordinary and I’m doing so through a commitment to proactive positivity. Life doesn’t begin with the best version of yourself, it starts every morning with the reminder that we will always have the power to refine our hopes, dreams and futures as we go. Today and Always.

 From a fellow twentysomething with love.

Let's Talk About 'Sex'

Any linguist worth their salt knows that a homonym is a word with multiple meanings. The rascality of this etymological device, may have intentionally been pervaded to deceive you into thinking that this was some sort of scandalous confession/discussion about the art of making love.....but thankfully for my parents it’s not. Because let’s face it, a blog entitled ‘Women’s Issues and Feminism’ sounds about as intriguing as a dark alley way offering ‘free hugs’.

For those of you who made it past that sneaky six line introduction, ‘Sex’ in this instance refers to the issue of female gender and an exploration into the pre-digested notions of what a woman is, who she should be and how she should behave. 

For many, feminism is a scary and weighted word and for those of us not quite sure, (and are quite frankly scared to ask!) it encompasses both the historical and present circumstances of women’s social, political and economic standing. The suffragettes may have been wonderful women who fought for our freedom to vote and the right to be individual and separate entities from our husbands, but what does it actually mean to be a modern day Feminist?

Arguably, modern Feminism can take many forms because progression isn’t about defining what females are, it’s about expanding the world view about what a woman CAN BE. Fortunately, many of us have the opportunity to choose our own paths, because the option to have choices is actually what the feminist movement sacrificed itself under the hooves of patriarchy for. Increased female enlightenment involves the right to pursue and enjoy individual perceptions of meaningfulness, whether that’s in the home or in the work place. It’s the insistence upon equal and respectful relationships with friends and partners bounded by a supportive and encouraging love. On an individual level, being a feminist involves a woman’s refusal to sell her talents and aspirations short because of your own responsibility to be the very best you can be. Although there is a small body of writing to suggest otherwise, I am determined to believe modern feminism involves the encouragement and support of other women regardless of how their own opinion and life choices differ from ours. The importance of a sisterhood for me, is integral and like every grand theory, this can be explained with an anecdote similar to the story of Einstein’s humble apple. 

In 2015, I tweeted about the controversy surrounding Calvin Klein’s photo campaign and use of a model who, the media were largely referring to as ‘a plus side model’. To my absolute mortification, an overzealous American feminist featured my tweet in an article titled ‘The 20 Most Misguided Tweets About Plus Sized Model’s’...Horrifically awkward as I’m sure you can imagine. 

I can’t remember exactly what I said, (genuinely!) but the experience taught me two things about feminism. One, that it is extremely important even in our increasing politically correct world to fearlessly exercise your own opinion, as long as you are respectful to others. And the second is that regardless of whether or not you agree with the actions or speech of another woman, feminism isn’t a competition to reach the illusion of some non-existent moral high ground where only the ‘best women’ live. 

I never want to be the type of woman to make another feel inferior, intellectually, emotionally or physically. I’m only concerned with empowerment because no matter what, happy and fulfilled girls are always the prettiest, and they are always the first ones to reach out their hands to help others. I pride myself on choosing to be around strong women because the really great thing is that they make you feel great too and that's an admirable quality regardless of gender.

It’s also important to remember Feminism and gender equality isn’t some female Vs. male showdown either. In her UN speech, Emma Watson said that gender equality cannot be achieved without the engagement and participation of men. Although they say that behind every great man is a great woman, it would be interesting to think about how many great women have had encouraging male role models behind them. A lesser known fact is that Feminism is an issue that affects everyone, and for the future husbands and fathers who may be reading this, that’s something to contemplate for the next generation of empowered wives and daughters. Fortunately, my Dad has been one of the most influential people in my life and for better or worse, his quiet persistence has never tolerated me to be anything less than what I am capable of being. Treating women as equals does not mean we ignore our differences. As Caitlin Moran notes, 'Men' and 'The Man' are two very different things. So as determined as feminism may be in sticking it to 'The Man', the majority of us still love 'The Men'. 

Although it’s alarmingly evident first thing in the morning and to my unfortunate relatives, friends and favourite snap chatters, I’m not here to be beautiful. I’m here to try and make an impression on the world. I’m not naive enough to think that my face, body or the way I present myself haven’t helped me in life, but beyond these externalities, our existence as females is not defined by how physically desirable other people perceive us to be. 

It’s especially important that young girls understand that although there’s power in looking good and feeling confident, beyond the superficiality of makeup, clothing and a peachy bum, ultimately it’s not how you dress but what you dress that matters. 

Intelligence, wit, determination, talent and kindness are potent powers which will take you the extra mile in life. The aim of feminism is to develop strong-minded, strong-hearted, strong-willed, and strong-bodied women. Together we ladies can work beyond the sexist jokes and the woof whistles because we’re making distinct progress every day. Whether that’s a single unemployed mother finding work and support, or the inauguration of the next powerful female political leader. 

As the formidable and accurate saying goes, there is a special place in hell reserved for women who don't help other women. I couldn’t very well preach about female empowerment without talking about my lovely fellow blogista’s who are lighting the torch for young, Irish females with a ‘can do’ attitude. Although they need no introduction, take a look at these very talented ladies by using the links below.

From Edinburgh With Love.

  

Alana Mc Conalogue www.caloriesandcarbs.net

Sara Ryan www.noglitzjustglam.com

Nicola Mclaughlin www.thesequincinderella.com