Somewhere
between insanity and euphoria lies that sweet little spot where true love lives.
If you’ve never lost your mind, then clearly, you have never followed your
heart. Breakups, makeups, missed opportunities and misunderstandings…Human love
is a fragile thing, but no matter what the outcome, at one time or another,
it’s also the greatest, most potent elixir capable of intoxicating even the sharpest,
smartest and savviest of souls.
Few of us
can claim to possess such uncomplicated good fortune, like the type disclosed
to us in the fairy tales of our childhood. But like most little girls and boys
I know, I grew up believing in enchanted love stories. From an early age we
were misguided and confused by mischevious metaphorics, that made us believe in
eternal happy endings. But what happens when the happily ever afters aren’t so
happy? And sinful sirens and lotharios aren’t so easy to spot? Quite often we’re
forced to face the irony that the closest thing our prince charming has ever
come to a white horse, is the Ralph Lauren emblem on his favourite polo shirt.
And as for Rapunzel…well she may well have hair of gold, but she doesn't a heart of one, and the only thing
that girl is combing through is tinder.
As we shout
across the planetary gender divide, that best-selling authors have compared to
Venus and Mars, we’ve overcomplicated a remarkably straightforward process. This
being that, the crux of love is that actions speak louder than words, so simple
yet so overlooked in our haste to make meaning. Sometimes a person may desire
you vaguely without the conviction of love. They may be lustful but not loving,
an observation complexified by the grey area of free sexual expression and
promiscuity. In this war zone we call the modern dating scene; from flirtatious
likes on multiple social mediums to one night stands, Cupid has a lot to
contend with. We have no operational framework to work from. No sonnets, or siliques
or even generational advice. It’s a new age love drug, with an increasing
number of cardiovascular side affects.
So what
happens when we find the ‘One’, the ‘Raison d'Être’ ? Well that’s when things
start to get a whole lot worse…but a whole lot more interesting.
To start
such a discussion, one has to acknowledge that on the subject of love there’s
more to be said than can be ever be conveyed. The greatest poets, writers and
lyricists of all time haven’t lost ears, spiralled into alcoholism, fought,
cried and bled for something that can be neatly tied up in a bow. That’s the
thing about love, its not always pretty but it’s always inherently beautiful, and it inspires beauty in us all. Everyone is capable of an epic love story
that could win even Leonardo Di Caprio an Oscar, but just because we possess
the ability, doesn’t mean we can control it.
As human
we’re imperfect authors attempting to compose our greatest life’s work. As we
grow and learn we’re reckless and defiant, and sometimes we hurt the people we
love the most through rebellious acts of youth and stupidity. John Green; the
man behind the iconically teary and tragic ‘Fault in Our Stars’ wrote: “I don’t
know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.”
Relationships wouldn’t be relation-ships if they sank at the first sign of
trouble. Every day, we have other people’s thoughts and feelings to take into
consideration, and sometimes this is a trial and error process with no short
cuts, cheat sheets, or emotional maps. I’ve had my own share of titanic
disasters, but in reality who hasn’t? Sometimes love is more compelling than
concern for yourself, and time and time again, we board the boat without a life
jacket knowing that at any given time, we’re vulnerable to the Bermuda triangle
of emotional turmoil.
At a time in my life where I literally felt my own heart sink, my mother gave me some
great advice. She told me that when I was born, I was not given life to be defined by
another. As a result of this simple and profound assertion, I took a proactive
approach to myself and realised that the days you feel the loneliest, are the
days you learn the most about yourself. If you move from relationship to relationship,
from one emotional crutch to another, you deprive yourself of these invaluable
moments, and you are missing out on the essence of your own existence.
If I was to
ask you about all the people you love and have ever loved, how long would it
take for you to name yourself? Because that’s the fundamental thing about
relationships, you have to love yourself before you can love another. The trick
is finding someone who compliments you instead of completes you, because you
should be passionately and enthusiastically whole on your own. If you pursue
yourself and your own interests, passions, dreams and abilities, the people who
you are meant to love will meet you where you are, on the individual path you're supposed to follow. Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it
means you’re taking your time to decide how and who you want in your life.
We’re living in a new era and you get to define and demand when, and who you
are loved by.
On the
flipside of the love spectrum in the midst of the wrath of sadness that is both
sickly and suffocating, courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite
the obstacle of heartache. It means self-investment is the greatest currency
you can save, and even if you’ve spent your last 10 cent coin on unrequited
love, then financial bankruptcy is always more favourable to a wealth of should
have, would have, could haves. It’s the greatest measure of strength to pick
yourself up after heartbreak and carry on and face those who have caused you
sadness. You don’t get the option of choosing how and if people love you in
return, you merely have the option to accept, reject or move on from their insufficient
offer. Characterise people by their actions. Always. Words are beautiful but
they are often the gloss that smooth the deep and dark crevices. You shouldn’t
need to tell people how to love you, they should just do it. People say I love
you all the time without words and grand gestures.
As Beau
Taplin concurred, while everyone you meet may have a part to play in your
story, some will take a chapter, others a paragraph and some will be nothing more than
a scribble note in a margin. Someday, someone will become so integral to your
life that you’ll put their name in the title. You have to make your own choices
about who stays and who goes, and you have to accept the luggage they bring or
return with. In the words of my fictional ‘spirit animal’ Carrie Bradshaw, the
maestro of the ‘Sex and The City’ quartet: “I’m looking for love. Real love.
Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-sleep kind of love”. I want the
good, the bad, and the in-between. That’s the reality of any relationship, because
love hurts too much to be anything else. 
As any
person used as a human Kleenex will tell you, if you’re going to love someone, love them completely. Half- hearted love is a fate worse than death, because
slowly you’re killing someone who only wants to share their life and love with
you. And even though there is a good way to say farewell; as the old saying
goes – it’s better to leave someone for the right reasons than stay with them
for the wrong. Admittedly love isn't always fun, but if nothing may save us from death, at least love makes us feel alive.And as for me, I've had a prolific love that will stay with me forever. In the words of my literary hero F. Scott Fitzgerald: "There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” The best relationships are divine friendships, and I'm thankful for years of unparalleled laughter and unforgettable moments. Irrespective of past, present and future, that sentiment will stay with me forever.
As Shakespeare once wrote: Time is very slow for those who wait, very fast for those who are scared, very long for those who lament, very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love…Time is eternal.
