The Secret Life of Adults - Rape Culture

"Grab them by the p**sy.”

Five words which will forever be synonymous with the political stylings of the deplorable Donald Trump, a man who, among many other distressing characteristics,  personifies the underlying existence of ‘Rape Culture’, in a global society where women often ‘appear’ to have ‘equivocal’ rights to their male counterparts.

Rebecca Solnit wrote:

“Rape culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence against women is normalised and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorisation of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety.”

Even though many men would never contemplate rape, and a lot of women thankfully have never been victims of rape, ‘Rape Culture’ is something which in one way or another affects us all.

To reflect back on a recent Twitter exchange regarding a subject relating to another aspect of women’s issues, one male commentator limited a discussion of the female agenda to be exclusive to:  ‘A Shrill band of Socialists, Feminists and Lesbians.’

Apart from the obvious narrow mindedness and bigotry of this statement, it heartily demonstrates the deeply embedded, dysfunctional and downright alarming thought processes of society as a whole, and the disregard for the women’s issues that still exist. 

It supports a widespread thought process that women should be content with their lot, but frankly, life didn’t become perfect for us when we got the right to vote. It was a milestone on a long and treacherous journey, which comes to a daily climax every night, when we arrive home after swerving that creepy guy, or after questioning the taxi driver who took an unknown route home, when we close our front door and unconsciously celebrate the fact we didn’t get raped today.

There may be no bombs, or guns pointed at our heads, but that doesn’t mean the threat of modern ‘Rape Culture’ is not real. We’re increasingly guilty of commodifying human life, defining ourselves by looks, physical form and social conformity. We live in a highly sexualised society which considers sexual aggression and exploitation as normal. We glamourise subordination to men because they are the hunter gatherers, the providers of impractical shoes and barely there underwear...because you know, they're sexy and definitely for our own benefit and comfort.

As women we are repeatedly told ‘boys will be boys’, but the innocence of a ‘cheeky bum’ grab in a night club is part of a larger scale of events, a gender power play and a subsequent reminder that the whole female population is held in a subordinate position to the whole male population. In this way we have socially constructed and reinforced the idea of male entitlement from what we as a society, still to this day, tell men about their gender.

Interestingly, Oliver Markus discussed the female role in purporting a rape culture when he pondered the global success of a very famous book:

"Look at the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey. The girl in the book lets a rich guy beat her and ritually rape her, and she likes it! She finds it erotic! But imagine if Christian Grey wasn't a billionaire. Imagine if he lived in a dirty old trailer down by the river. Then that story wouldn't be a sexy romance novel, but an episode of CSI."

Ladies, we all know real life is nothing like this Hollywood spectaculisation, so why why are we not questioning its existence?

For example getting followed home is not sexy.  It wasn’t complimentary and it was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me. Being alone or in sports wear was not an invitation to be repeatedly hounded at the side of a busy main road, and funnily enough I wasn’t tempted to get in his car after the fourth attempt to drive up and down the road to talk to me.

Fortunately, I was helped out by three other male friends who made sure I got home safely but sadly these occurences reinforce the fact that as women, we are required to police and monitor ourselves and also answer questions like: ‘What were you wearing?’ when we share our story with others.

And, if for whatever reason you think I’m being dramatic, consider this:

Do men have to consider a different route home, the consequences of your phone dying, changing the way you dress or the colour of your lipstick in order to feel safe?

Do you have to worry about:

1.            Getting too drunk.

2.            Leaving your drink unattended at the bar.

3.            Meeting a stranger with no one knowing your whereabouts.

4.            Being alone in your house with an unknown visitor e.g. the electrician, the plumber etc.

5.            Travelling solo.

6.            Running or walking alone at night.

7.            Responding to abusive harassers, because retaliation might escalate the situation.

8.            Your choice and fit of clothing.

9.            The size and shape of your physical anatomy as an invitation for commentary.

10.          Getting a taxi home alone.

These are things that men often don’t have to think about, that men take for granted, that men simply don’t have to consider as part of their daily life, but sadly these are things that we as women have to consider every day.

But if we as women do not believe in the underlying existence of these preventative rape measures, and we do not raise the validity of our own suffering, then we weaken the possibility of ever challenging, changing and rectifying these deeply held and accepted beliefs and actions. Imagine these destructive thought processes multiplied by over 7,460,124,122 people (roughly) globally, and contemplate the omerta like culture of silence we are enabling by not speaking out and raising awareness of this issue.

But for whatever reason you think there’s no harm in the actions or words of some men, if it’s so normal and harmless and non-derogatory, why aren’t men telling their mum’s they have lovely tits? Why aren’t they wolf whistlin’ at their cousins and condoning the actions of strangers who hound their girlfriends and sisters…

If it’s an act of admiration to be followed, or for a man to not take no for an answer because he ‘really likes you’, then why stop there. Why not start telling victims of theft that they deserved to be robbed for having such a lovely house, instead of teaching people not to steal. Hell why don’t we legalise guns, hand out knives, reward crime and let murderers decide the fate of our wellbeing while we’re at it…

That’s because these pre-requisites would only encourage people to think that extreme behaviours were acceptable. 

As such, we have to change the processes before you can ever change the product. It starts with enabling a world where young men and women grow up with intelligent regard and knowledge of each other’s bodies, as well as respect for each other’s minds.For example 'Rape Culture'  in public discourse is encouraged and condoled when we consent to the participation of conversations that encourages a lax attitudes toward sexual violence and the concerns of women. 

The way we talk about things matter, and not accepting the words and actions of others will help us to redefine the issue.

The current prevalence of the issue may have arisen most obviously thanks to one misogynistic predator masquerading as a presidential candidate, but the fact that it is

currently being used as a reason to (rightly) diminish Trump’s position and credibility, surely means that we have finally reached our limit? A point of insurpassable tolerance? A public turning point?

Have we put Rape Culture on the agenda as no longer acceptable?

I hope so. For myself and every female across the world.

From Doha with love. Always.

The Secret Life Of Adults - Loneliness

Isn’t it strange that most of us are born alone, and die alone, yet to feel alone is an all-consuming fear engrossing the lives of many twenty somethings. 

As a generation we’ve redefined what it means to be lonely, because unlike any previous connotations of isolation and solitude, we’ve culturally complexified the construct of loneliness in a world so connected, that we’ve grown a part from the things that really matter.

We’ve been mis-diagnosing loneliness for quite some time now, confusing singularity of thought for detrimental non-conformity; social boredom as anti-socialness, and disillusionment with modern society as anti-advancement.

Technology, social media, a consuming drinking culture and infinite social pressures, deepen, diversify and complexify what it means to feel lonely, because, as Albert Einstein once poignantly noted, our knowledge of humanity has been surpassed by our own ‘supposed’ progression.

Admittedly we may communicate in a multitude of multifaceted ways you couldn’t even imagine twenty something years ago, but are our days filled with meaningful interactions which catalyse our enrichment or development? For me, the answer is no, because loneliness is a very palpable aspect of contemporary life, and I see it on the faces and social media accounts of every twenty something I know.

There are numerous circumstances and relationships which increasingly result in a sense of frustration and alienation, because even in the company of a crowd; unless we’re surrounded by real time, real life, wholesome and supportive connections, we’re vulnerable to falling prey to destructive social norms that make us believe we're alone in the way we think and feel.

Relationships of circumstance for example, involve the realisation that we outgrow some people, their biases, limitations, views, opinions and stagnancy. This also means understanding that we're human, and we have an essential craving for social inclusion, regardless of the whether or not our socialisations actually add substance to our lives. Also bare in mind, a joint experiences such as school or university does not necessarily mean that two people have a life long compatibility or are capable of filling the hole which necessitates that you place a higher value on the quality of life you expend, and who you expend it with.

Another bountiful modern catalyst of loneliness is a consuming social restlessness. Everyone, it seems, is busy looking busy. Are you where you are, or are you on a smart phone? As we know, human beings have an intrinsic need to belong, to feel an integral part of something greater than themselves. But do most people feel fulfilled by their life choices? Fundamentally, this requires an examination into the way we choose to spend each hour, each day, each month and each year. Because time is the only thing we have that we can never acquire more of, and isn’t anything, and anyone that makes us feel lonely, not just a complete waste of our most precious resource?

Charles Bukowski summed up our reliance on a weekend drinking culture to alleviate an infectious loneliness when he internally contemplated: "Wow, it's Friday night, what am I going to do? Just sit there? Or go out" To which he introspectively answered “Well, yeah. Because there's nothing out there other than what’s inside….” And figuring out just what that is, and just what it needs to flourish is the only way we’re ever going to overcome this consuming cultural phenomenon, which only erodes the feeling of loneliness further.

I’ve confronted loneliness in many divergent ways. I’ve weighed it up and I’ve dressed it down, and although I feel lonely a lot, I know not everything or everyone can fill the gap of my loneliness.

Principally, my experience of loneliness stems from a professional ambition, personal expectation and the feeling I need to compensate my parents for their emotional and financial investment in my future, because I need to gratify my own potential and the overwhelming support I've always been given.

By doing so, I've prioritised myself over everything else, because I felt it was something I had to do in my twenties. It wasn’t easy, but I wouldn’t be sitting in the Middle East on my sweeney tod if loneliness didn’t feel good and bad at the same time. Most people are scared of being lonely, but I’ve never be so scared of it, as used to it. Loneliness is something I’ve chosen over under-fulfillment for a long time, but as the novelty of professional progress wears off, here I am, just another twenty something, contemplating life, feeling just as lonely and lost as anyone.

Don’t get me wrong, loneliness has probably been one of my greatest teachers. Loneliness means you’re trying something new and challenging, and it can be immensely rewarding in the larger scheme of life. In this respect, to feel lonely is an integral component of development, because a sheltered life anchors personal development. Loneliness is necessary sometimes, and sacrifice is a double edge sword we need to understand in relation to the uniqueness to our own lives and our infinite potential.

I've come to realise there are three key ingredients in the pursuit of happiness. Self-actualisation, Love and financial stability - but sadly all three seem unable to run in joyful parallel. It always boils down to the lesser of two evils, and really that’s the crux of the matter isn't it? What are you willing to sacrifice to appease your loneliness?

That being said, for every one day of loneliness I’ve ever experienced in my twenties, I’ve probably been saved from three in the future… because I’m starting to realise what intolerable loneliness means to me. 

Presently, that equates to being in a different country from the people I love. Sitting at a table with people on their phones, and thinking that socialisation and a drinking are synonomous social norms and the be all, and end all of craic.

I don’t want to be trapped alone in the same figurative or literal room anymore – so I’m starting to make decisions  in line with the above retrospection. 

We determine the quality of our own lives, and anything that makes us feel good, couldn't possibly be bad. 

To be continued…

From Doha With Love. Always.

The Secret Life Of Adults - Part 1

It’s a remarkable thing the transition into adulthood. One day you’re snuggly wrapped in the warm and calming blanket of your parents care and consideration, and next…BOOM…You’re sheepishly left flinching from a lethal blow of grown up responsibility, financial uncertainty and uncomfortable social expectation, which leaves you nervously shuffling between a fledgling happiness and a fear of disappointing others.

Frankly growing up sucks, but as second stint millennials we can’t really say we didn’t see the tidal wave of expectancy coming, because this growing up malarkey is part and parcel of the traditional shedding of youth; a life altering occasion marked by no grand function, guided by no coherent documentation, and awarding no real prestige other than the right to legally consume alcohol.

However, unlike the other poor twenty something souls that came, saw and failed before us; never have the young lives of a generation been so definitively mapped out before them; begging the questions:

At what stage do we turn from socially dependent to culturally dependable?

Are we thriving during this transition?

What are the impediments to personal growth and happiness?

And…

Why are so many of us recoiling, resisting and suffering at the hands of conventional constructs of happiness?

The mere desire to exist is rife. It plagues our youth, and our schools. It contaminates the government, our dole queues and the construct of family. We are working to live and trying with all our might to escape the mundanity of the mid-week at the weekend; trying to find happiness in ways and places that cannot sustain personal joy and self-actualisation.

Is it any wonder then, that people are left confusingly unfulfilled and achingly dis-satisfied when deviation from the ‘Grand Plan’ is emphatically considered to be a social failure, a personal deficiency, a tragic story of poor parenting and a sorry case of mental instability?

Some say the rules are simple and effective.

Do well in school. Go to university. Pursue further education if you feel it will be financially or professionally beneficial. Get a job. Settle down. Rent a house. Buy a house. Get married. Have Children. And for many of us, some of these social constructs may have brought us happiness in all kinds of extents and time frames, from the interim to the infinite.

Nevertheless, it would be hard for any of us to deny the fact we’re living lives which are not truly our own, and the worse part is that we actually feel we’re exercising our democratic freedom of choice, because we’re told: “You can go anywhere and do anything with your life!” (Whilst simultaneously being micro managed by multiple parties to conform to every single one of the social expectations dictated above.)

BUT IS THIS LIFE? IS THIS LIVING?

For me the answer is a categoric NO! 

I’m half way through the above check list and I’ve done everything I should, when I should, and at the tender age of 24 I know that I’m largely missing the point of my own existence, because I live in fear of straying from the norm, settling for the good, in fear of pursuing the great.

In my inaugural blog, I touched on this topic, coining the phrase: ‘Comedy Tidings Of The Duck’; one who appears to be effortless gliding through life when in reality, very few people see the worry and effort of little legs kicking furiously below the surface.

The ‘Secret Life of Adults’ has every intention of exposing the uncomfortable topics that are leeching the spontaneity and joy out of life, aiming to expose and unseat this kind of social disposition and absolutely not giving a duck in the process!

Because this good daughter, this good student, this good girl hasn’t yet found a holistic happiness on the mainstream path of compliancy, and I have my suspicions you haven’t either.

And if we’re not questioning our decisions, contemplating our values, examining our societies and challenging our peers and leadership, then the only real reason for our existence is economy. The work trudge, the wheel of industry and a pointless continuation of utopian births and malcontented deaths which are created and halted in the hope, that there is something more meaningful out there for us all…

….and that my friends is worth a discussion or two.

To be continued…

From Etihad flight A330 with love. Always. 

Politically Correct

On a scale of one to Victoria’s Secret model, politics probably resides somewhere deep and dark on the sexiness scale….but although it’s not always cool, dazzling, enchanting or glamorous; challenging authority and sticking it to the status quo has long been a social heirloom, which has lovingly been passed down from one generation of pissed off people to another.

2016 has been a huge year in the political sector. In many countries (…mentioning no names), the tragic events of political injustice, have both flared tensions and widened social divisions; intensifying global struggles between the We The Collective People and the power structures of the world.

These days, international politics can only be likened to the experience of an emotional rollercoaster, but no matter how moved, horrified and enraged we are by the things we see and hear on the news, there’s an overwhelming disconnection between how we feel and an incentive to affect change via the medium of the almighty ballot box.

This political disengagement is becoming increasingly rife in an era that has seen most of us, myself included, take a back seat on the ole' political attentiveness front. In reality, politics is the tour de force behind everything….and I mean EVERYTHING, and it’s time to get politically savvy for the sake of ourselves, and the ones we love.

Isaac Asimov called the public withdrawal from the political sphere anti-intellectualism, but to be honest, I don't feel it’s a question of intelligence, it’s more a question of naivete.

For many of us in the western world, political disengagement stems from the false notion that democracy is a pre-requisite for outstanding service and representation. Largely, this is because we’ve been educated to believe in the illusion of romantic, democratic superiority, which we enjoyably flaunt over those suffering under dictatorship.

Will Durant, a man far more articulate than me, encapsulated my new found political conscious when he wrote: “Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance". The truth is that the more I learn, the more it makes me realise how much we under-utilise our power and influence as voters, and for those of us fortunate enough to be living in these so called democratic societies, (and definitely for those who don’t), politics is too powerful to be left solely to those who have an elected seat and a prefix to their name.

Essentially, most politicians are show men whose success is more down to their ability to charm, than their actual credentials as upstanding citizens who have the best interests of their constituencies at heart. Their man-powered hydro-erosion of bullshit has been shaping our political understanding for quite some time now, and we have been manipulated into becoming reactive voters rather than proactive members of society. 

To put it frankly, Elie Wiesel the renown Nobel Laureate,once said: “Neutrality only helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented." 

....I know what you’re thinking. What has this got to do with me exactly? So I’ll counteract your question, with my own. What do you think the biggest impediment to political progress is? …ourselves!

As ‘Grown-ups’ we have an inherent fear of ‘not knowing’ or fully understanding the things that we think we’re supposed to. This unfounded shame leads to a fear of asking or talking to people who may be able to enlighten us.

We, this adult army of pretenders feed into the continuance of ignorance fueling the generations who follow, and we rely on the twisted and ulterior motives of the media and their own political agenda to help us make informed cultural decisions, with repercussions that span way beyond who we call MP (**COUGH** Brexit).

So on a very basic level, I want to carve an outlet of discussion by making political knowledge accessible, even on a small scale, and put it on your personal agenda and in some kind of context.  So let’s talk about the things that matter to us.

You know that paycheck or dole payment you get every month….well don't forget it's government regulated! aka TAX and SOCIAL WELFARE. And you know that time you heard about the horrendous accident and the ambulance which took too long to reach the scene, well yep, you have the power to change that too by demanding improvements to HEALTHCARE and RURAL REPRESENTATION. Have you thought about university? What school do you really want your kid to go to? In that case you’re probably going to have to think about the provision of QUALITY EDUCATION and GRANT ACCESS before you actually need it!

In fairness, political ignorance is not completely our own fault. The void in political communication is largely due to our respective national Education systems (I’ve experience two), who are failing us in a pragmatic understanding of real world issues. In my adult life, I’ve never had to recount the value of X, but I have had to drastically consider where I now stand as the holder of a British Passport, and for many people like myself, political activism seems particularly poignant, and let’s face it, necessary right now, to enable us to deal with the plethora of craziness that we call the modern political environment.

In order to demand access, change, reform and modifications to the rules and rulers we elect to serve our best interests, we need to increase our understanding of who and what our political parties do. Although it’s difficult to find reliable, centralised sources of information on political parties in terms of their political beliefs, views and representatives, that statement  kind of errrrrr’ illustrates the necessity of this discussion!

As such, I’ve chosen to briefly disscuss three countries with relevance to my own political digestion, whilst also being applicable to many others reading this. Those being Ireland, Great Britain and America.

IRELAND

In Ireland politics is something we have a historic overexposure to, but beyond previous religious and socio-economic associations, what are our actual political parties doing for us on a social, economic and cultural level?...Especially with relevance to a Celtic tiger with post-traumatic stress? Ironically, the below link is intended for people who are moving to Ireland and the best I found in the morning I afforded to looking for this kind of information. It’s not great but at least it centralises some key sources for further exploration and actually gives a decent historical background.

http://www.livinginireland.ie/en/culture_society/the_political_system_voting/  

GREAT BRITAIN

If nothing else, Brexit showed us that every one vote can make a difference both in the UK and beyond, which in my humble opinion reinforces Plato’s statement that: "One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors." Apart from compounding political ignorance, the ‘Brexit’ referendum divided a nation and served as a comprehensive over view of political disconnect, sending shock waves through Europe with repercussions that we’ve undoubtedly yet to experience. Take a look at this link which dishes up some centralised info…but take it with a pinch of salt because it’s also from a media source.

http://edition.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/europe/04/26/uk.parliament.explainer/

AMERICA

Inescapably, the global super power that is America and the circus that is the 2016 elections is an unavoidable part of our cultural absorption. Although I’m not here to discuss my thoughts on either candidate, which would warrant an entirely separate blog post, I’ve found a great article which offers an explanation of the differentiations between America’s two main political parties: Democrats (Hilary Clinton’s party) and Republicans (Donald Trump’s party) so we can understand what’s going on, on a very fundamental level. Although it’s largely generalised, I think it gives a good preliminary investigation into a powerful and influential political system that undoubtedly has repercussions for the rest of the world.

https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-basic-differences-between-Democrats-and-Republicans-in-American-politics-Does-either-party-support-leftist-ideologies

Maybe you’re at the point of the piece where you're starting to wonder just why I chose to write a politically motivated post. My reasoning is that I simply aim to put political discussion on the table by illustrating how our lives are lived in an intertwining state of political being, no matter how comfortable or unaffected we may feel.

This is by no means a comprehensive or complete discussion, but I think it highlights the necessity of political action. Whether that means putting your name on the voting register or going directly to your local political representative with a question or concern is up to you.

You should never be afraid to think out loud, because that's how we learn and grow. Being too scared to ask questions and voice our concerns is how we got into this mess in the first place.

Did you realise though, that even if you don't bother to learn or exercise your political rights, you are in effect already voting for domineering political parties who have become so used to notoriety and popularity, that they barely need to serve the collective good.

Contrary to common belief, politicians are not stupid, and rest assured they are keenly aware that it is in their best interests to keep you bored, misinformed and cynical. So make no mistake, the current political environment isn’t currently serving your best interests, and perhaps it never will until you actively engage with it.

Political activism is very simply and eloquently explained in the following statement:

"When I was young, I wanted to change the world, but I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't change my nation, I began to focus on my town. When I couldn't change my town, I tried to change my family and friends, but in my old age, I now realise that the only thing I can ever change is myself.

If I had understood that long ago, I could have made an impact on my family and friends. We could have made an impact on our town. Our town could have made an impact on our nation, and I could indeed have changed the world."

So if not YOU, then HOW?... and more importantly...WHO?

From Doha with love. Always.

Confessions Of A M.U.A

In lively consideration of a discussion of aesthetics and cosmetology, Jane Austen, an 18^th century English novelist not necessarily known for her interactive makeup tutorials, or trend setting vlogging credentials once said:

"Vanity and pride are two very different things, though the words are often used synonymously. A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates to our opinion of ourselves, vanity relates more to what we would have others think of us.”

Some years later, Madonna, - a lady arguably holding the Guinness World Record for ‘The Fewest Fucks Ever Given’, equally, and as eloquently stated that: “If your joy is derived from what society and other people think of you, you're going lead a very sad and disappointing life.”

These statements are relevant to the discussion of makeup for two main reasons. The first is that genetic factors may determine whether we have almond shaped eyes, beautiful freckles, or sensual lips, but the crux of the world of #Fleekness is that, if you feel good about yourself, you ALWAYS look good to others.

This is because confidence, (the most attractive female embellishment) illuminates outwardly from your face, blinding onlookers about anything else you may consider less favourable about yourself, and the idea of perfection dictated to you by popular culture.

The second invaluable assertion is that in a world which repeatedly rejoices in making you feel inadequate, liking yourself is a rebellious act to be celebrated and elevated to the empowerment of both men and women all over the world.

In life there are no shortage of ways for people to make you feel bad. This also applies to the non-conformity of your facial features or bodily composition, in obedience to the interim look of the season.

Every unfortunate soul with an unwarranted sense of self-importance, unfounded value on their own opinion and deplorable moral standing, possesses the ability to cast a shadow over even the brightest of highlighters.

These makeup shamers have become so fixated by the supremacy of the ‘Natural Woman’ that they’ve well….kind of  overlooked the whole feminist movement thing, and freedom of self-expression that was narcotically enhanced and hopefully established in the 70's.

So just to be clear, in case you missed ‘Feminisim 101’ or the ‘Good Persons Guide To The Galaxy’, let’s get back to basics, you know, for the #Basics.

The fundamental science behind it all argues that makeup has been used in disparate and diverse cultures all over the world for one main reason - it taps into our primal judgments and urges. Primarily it reflects positive interpretations of youth, health and the capability to reproduce strong and attractive offspring.

As wonderful and simplistic as this scientific evidence is in explaining the genesis of makeup, it does little to address the multi-trillion dollar industry that has flourished above and beyond considerations of wanting to be your Baby Daddy’s  #FlawlessBabyMomma.

It’s an inescapable fact that men have their own makeup opinions and preferences. Granted. But just because Jeff from Accounting prefers you without eyeliner and lashes and has uncomfortably informed you of this, doesn’t mean you need to conform to the limited scope of Jeff’s M.U.A repertoire.

As women, hopefully we’ve moved beyond the need to seek validation from a man, because in the grand scheme of things, I’m not sure Derek from ‘da club is capable of distinguishing between Ruby Woo and Lady Danger…And that’s a life skill I value in a person.

So what is it about cosmetology that has captivated us ladies to such a degree?

Makeup has meant many things to many people over the years. Historically, the fashion to aesthetically enhance ourselves dates back to a time even before the Egyptians were using soot, beetle’s blood and other natural products to create their distinctive and accentuated look.

You need to only glance at a social media platform to observe the skill, talent and popularity of makeup artists, near and far, to see the transformative and remarkable effect of makeup. Not only do these colours, textures and techniques have the ability to enhance a woman's self-esteem, but they also have the potential to make a woman go 'Zero To A Hunnit MUA Real Quick.' (Credit - Drake)

It doesn’t take a genius to work out that makeup can be worn in varying degrees of intensity. For some it’s a bit of tinted moisturiser and some mascara, for others it’s full on lash extensions, multi-tonal contouring and matte lips every day.

Irrespectively, makeup application, in whatever ferocity or vigor, strengthens the resolve that, a woman is only capable of being herself when she has the freedom to look and be whatever she wants. Black Lipstick and Blue Mascara or not.

But perhaps the most interesting question we can ask is: ‘How beautiful does a woman have to look before she believes it herself?’

If all of us are just play-acting in Mum’s makeup bag, then what is the real definition of beauty?

Something we as women should all contemplate, is how we feel about ourselves when we take our makeup off. Because…

“If your value lies in being merely decorative, some day you might find yourself believing that’s all you are. Time erodes the beauty of youth, but it will never diminish the wonderful working of your mind, your soul, your kindness, your humour and your courage.” (Little Women)

Beyond Makeup, if you don’t believe in your own individual beauty, then all the glamour and lip liner in the world can’t help you.

“Your Made Of So Much Beauty, But It Seems You Forgot, When You Decided You Were Defined, By All The Things Your Not”.

To all the little, and not so little girls looking towards the beauty counter for validation with a lust and longing for the fictitious facial features of Kim, Khloe, Kourtney, Kylie, and Kendall, always remember:

‘Makeup Does Not Maketh The Woman, The Woman Maketh The Makeup’

From Qatar, With Love. Always.

The Unconventional Notebook

Somewhere between insanity and euphoria lies that sweet little spot where true love lives. If you’ve never lost your mind, then clearly, you have never followed your heart. Breakups, makeups, missed opportunities and misunderstandings…Human love is a fragile thing, but no matter what the outcome, at one time or another, it’s also the greatest, most potent elixir capable of intoxicating even the sharpest, smartest and savviest of souls.

Few of us can claim to possess such uncomplicated good fortune, like the type disclosed to us in the fairy tales of our childhood. But like most little girls and boys I know, I grew up believing in enchanted love stories. From an early age we were misguided and confused by mischevious metaphorics, that made us believe in eternal happy endings. But what happens when the happily ever afters aren’t so happy? And sinful sirens and lotharios aren’t so easy to spot? Quite often we’re forced to face the irony that the closest thing our prince charming has ever come to a white horse, is the Ralph Lauren emblem on his favourite polo shirt. And as for Rapunzel…well she may well have hair of gold, but she doesn't a heart of one, and the only thing that girl is combing through is tinder.

As we shout across the planetary gender divide, that best-selling authors have compared to Venus and Mars, we’ve overcomplicated a remarkably straightforward process. This being that, the crux of love is that actions speak louder than words, so simple yet so overlooked in our haste to make meaning. Sometimes a person may desire you vaguely without the conviction of love. They may be lustful but not loving, an observation complexified by the grey area of free sexual expression and promiscuity. In this war zone we call the modern dating scene; from flirtatious likes on multiple social mediums to one night stands, Cupid has a lot to contend with. We have no operational framework to work from. No sonnets, or siliques or even generational advice. It’s a new age love drug, with an increasing number of cardiovascular side affects.

So what happens when we find the ‘One’, the ‘Raison d'Être’ ? Well that’s when things start to get a whole lot worse…but a whole lot more interesting.

To start such a discussion, one has to acknowledge that on the subject of love there’s more to be said than can be ever be conveyed. The greatest poets, writers and lyricists of all time haven’t lost ears, spiralled into alcoholism, fought, cried and bled for something that can be neatly tied up in a bow. That’s the thing about love, its not always pretty but it’s always inherently beautiful, and it inspires beauty in us all. Everyone is capable of an epic love story that could win even Leonardo Di Caprio an Oscar, but just because we possess the ability, doesn’t mean we can control it.

As human we’re imperfect authors attempting to compose our greatest life’s work. As we grow and learn we’re reckless and defiant, and sometimes we hurt the people we love the most through rebellious acts of youth and stupidity. John Green; the man behind the iconically teary and tragic ‘Fault in Our Stars’ wrote: “I don’t know a perfect person. I only know flawed people who are still worth loving.” Relationships wouldn’t be relation-ships if they sank at the first sign of trouble. Every day, we have other people’s thoughts and feelings to take into consideration, and sometimes this is a trial and error process with no short cuts, cheat sheets, or emotional maps. I’ve had my own share of titanic disasters, but in reality who hasn’t? Sometimes love is more compelling than concern for yourself, and time and time again, we board the boat without a life jacket knowing that at any given time, we’re vulnerable to the Bermuda triangle of emotional turmoil.

At a time in my life where I literally felt my own heart sink, my mother gave me some great advice. She told me that when I was born, I was not given life to be defined by another. As a result of this simple and profound assertion, I took a proactive approach to myself and realised that the days you feel the loneliest, are the days you learn the most about yourself. If you move from relationship to relationship, from one emotional crutch to another, you deprive yourself of these invaluable moments, and you are missing out on the essence of your own existence.

If I was to ask you about all the people you love and have ever loved, how long would it take for you to name yourself? Because that’s the fundamental thing about relationships, you have to love yourself before you can love another. The trick is finding someone who compliments you instead of completes you, because you should be passionately and enthusiastically whole on your own. If you pursue yourself and your own interests, passions, dreams and abilities, the people who you are meant to love will meet you where you are, on the individual path you're supposed to follow. Being single used to mean that nobody wanted you. Now it means you’re taking your time to decide how and who you want in your life. We’re living in a new era and you get to define and demand when, and who you are loved by.

On the flipside of the love spectrum in the midst of the wrath of sadness that is both sickly and suffocating, courage is an inner resolution to go forward despite the obstacle of heartache. It means self-investment is the greatest currency you can save, and even if you’ve spent your last 10 cent coin on unrequited love, then financial bankruptcy is always more favourable to a wealth of should have, would have, could haves. It’s the greatest measure of strength to pick yourself up after heartbreak and carry on and face those who have caused you sadness. You don’t get the option of choosing how and if people love you in return, you merely have the option to accept, reject or move on from their insufficient offer. Characterise people by their actions. Always. Words are beautiful but they are often the gloss that smooth the deep and dark crevices. You shouldn’t need to tell people how to love you, they should just do it. People say I love you all the time without words and grand gestures.

As Beau Taplin concurred, while everyone you meet may have a part to play in your story, some will take a chapter, others a paragraph and some will be nothing more than a scribble note in a margin. Someday, someone will become so integral to your life that you’ll put their name in the title. You have to make your own choices about who stays and who goes, and you have to accept the luggage they bring or return with. In the words of my fictional ‘spirit animal’ Carrie Bradshaw, the maestro of the ‘Sex and The City’ quartet: “I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-sleep kind of love”. I want the good, the bad, and the in-between. That’s the reality of any relationship, because love hurts too much to be anything else. 

As any person used as a human Kleenex will tell you, if you’re going to love someone, love them completely. Half- hearted love is a fate worse than death, because slowly you’re killing someone who only wants to share their life and love with you. And even though there is a good way to say farewell; as the old saying goes – it’s better to leave someone for the right reasons than stay with them for the wrong. Admittedly love isn't always fun, but if nothing may save us from death, at least love makes us feel alive.

And as for me, I've had a prolific love that will stay with me forever. In the words of my literary hero F. Scott Fitzgerald: "There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice.” The best relationships are divine friendships, and I'm thankful for years of unparalleled laughter and unforgettable moments. Irrespective of past, present and future, that sentiment will stay with me forever.

As Shakespeare once wrote: Time is very slow for those who wait, very fast for those who are scared, very long for those who lament, very short for those who celebrate. But for those who love…Time is eternal.

From Doha With Love. Always.